Juan Valdez names his donkey after you
You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
You sleep with your eyes open
You have to watch videos in fast-forward
You lick your coffee pot clean
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
You can jump-start your car without cables
Your only sources of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low”
You don’t sweat, you percolate

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