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Ideal Surgery Patient

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work, particularly which types of patients they’d had the best experiences with.

The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”

The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”

The third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”

The fourth one said, “I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and asses are interchangeable.”

Law Firm Interview

There was a job opening in the country’s most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.

Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It’s up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each candidate aside and asks, “Why did you become a lawyer?

Only seconds after talking to them both, he chooses Paul.

Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside after the interview. “I don’t understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I’d lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?”

“I said I became a lawyer because of my hands,” Paul replies.

“Your hands? What do you mean?”

“Well, I took a look one day and there wasn’t any money in either of them!”

Judges Award

“Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce court judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife $275 a week.”

“That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband said. “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”