“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. You can put them with my two male talking parrots. I taught them to read the bible and pray the rosary.”

The lady brings over her parrots and puts them in the priest’s cage. “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” they say.

One male parrot looks over at the other and exclaims, “Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”

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As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?”

“Yes,” the wife answers, “why do you ask?”

Frustrated, the man answered, “Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I’m lost and need directions!”

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