Fascinatedly a little boy watched his mum putting some face cream.
“What for, mum?”
“To be beautiful!” says mum and begins to remove cream excesses with a tissue.
“Why? You`ve changed your mind?!”
Sep
5
sahil
5 Sep, 2011
Sep
4
Sonya came home from the kindergarten.
“What were you doing today, Sonya?” the mother asked.
“We went for a walk along the river.”
“And then?”
“And then we all had a breakfast.”
“And then?”
“And then we all peed. The boys peed from small pipelets, the girls from nothing, and our teacher aunt Anna from a dirty red brush.”
Sep
2
A little boy goes to the local mall to see Santa. When Santa askes the little boy what he wants for Christmas, the little boy replies, “I don’t know”. So Santa starts thinking of things that the little boy might like and spells it out. Each time he says a letter, he pushes the boys nose. B-I-K-E. C-A-T.
Etc. Santa runs out of ideas and asks the little boy one more time what he wants for Christmas. The little boy says, “I want some P-U-S-S-Y, and I know you have some because I can smell it on your fingers.
Sep
2
A five year old boy was living with his mother, as his parents had divorced. One Sunday, she decided to take him to the zoo for the first time in his life. As they passed the various assortment of animals, she would tell the little boy what they were called and make him repeat it. After the lions, gorillas, giraffes and bears, they came upon the elephant exhibit.
“That’s an elephant”, the mother said.
After the child repeated after her, he asked, “Mommy? What’s that thing hanging down from the elephant?”
The mother replied, “That’s his trunk, sweetheart.”
“No, no”, said the child, “Behind that!”
“Oh, that’s his tail”, she said.
“No, no!” the boy exclaimed. “That thing in the middle!”
The woman was flustered and replied, “Uhhhh, that’s nothing, honey!” And they moved on…..
The next weekend, the boy’s father came to pick him up and the child cried, “Daddy, let’s go to the zoo! I learned all about the animals, and I want to show you what I learned!”
The father agreed, so off to the zoo they went. As they passed each cage, the child would shout out the name of the animal, and the father would praise him for being so smart. Finally, they arrived at the elephant cage, and the boy shouted, “Elephant!”
“Very GOOD”, beamed the father. “I’m proud of you for remembering all these animals!”
The boy asked, “Daddy? What’s that thing hanging down on the elephant?”
The father replied, “That’s his trunk.”
“No!”, the boy moaned, “Behind that!”
“That’s his tail”, the father replied.
“No, no! That thing in the middle!”
The father stammered, “Er…what did your mother say it was?”
“She said it was nothing!”
“Well”, the man said, puffing out his chest. “Your mother’s spoiled!”
Sep
1
A little boy goes to the drugstore for some condoms. He goes up to the
pharmacist and asked him, “Sir, can you tell me where the ribbed
condoms are?”
The pharmacist replied, “Son, do you know what condoms are used for?”
“Sure do” replied the boy, “They keep you from getting venereal
diseases.”
“Yes, that’s true,” said the pharmacist, “but do you know what the ribs
are for?”
The little boy thought for a moment, then looked up at the pharmacist
and replied, “Well, not exactly, but they sure do make the hair on the
backs of them goats stand up.”
Aug
28
First part of our life is poisoned by our parents, second – by our children.
Aug
28
A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father: “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says: “They are Making a puppy”. So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says: “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies: “Making a baby”. The little boy says: “Well, flip her around! I’d rather have a puppy instead!”
Aug
26
A group of kindergartners were now in the first grade. Their teacher wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten. She told them to use grown up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer. The first little one said he went to see his Nana. The teacher said, “No, No, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown up word.” The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo-choo train. The teacher again said, “No, No, you went on a trip on a train. That’s the grown up word.”
Then the teacher asked the third little one what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and in a very adult way replied, “Winnie the shit!”
Aug
26
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray: “Take only ONE……God is watching.”
Further along the line, at the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note: “Take all you want……God is watching the apples.”
Aug
24
Kid’s Books That Should Never Be Written:
‘You Were an Accident’
‘Strangers Have the Best Candy’
‘The Little Sissy Who Snitched’
‘Some Kittens Can Fly!’
‘The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion’
‘How to Dress Sexy for Grownups’
‘Getting More Chocolate on Your Face’
‘Where Would You Like to Be Buried?’
‘Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her’
‘The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North
Amer Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes!’
‘All Dogs Go to Hell’
‘The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking’
‘When Mommy and Daddy Don’t Know the Answer They Say God Did It’
‘Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia’
‘What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?’
‘Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?’
‘Bi-Curious George’
‘Daddy Drinks Because You Cry’
‘Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver’
‘You Are Different and That’s Bad’
‘Why God Burned Down Disney Land’