Microsoft TV Dinner Instructions…
***********************************************

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing
so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights
to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a
bite of your dinner (which would constitute an
infringement of Microsoft’s rights). You may,
however, let others smell and look at your dinner
and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner
into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:

Then enter:

If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press
start. The oven will set itself and cook the
dinner.

If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter
the ingredients of the dinner (found on the package
label), the weight of the dinner, and the desired
level of cooking and press start. The oven will
calculate the time and heat and cook the diner
exactly to your specification.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in
which case your oven must be restarted. This is a
simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven
and enter:
ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap.

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging
the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If
this doesn’t work, contact your hardware vendor.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is
far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having
many useless compartments, most of which are
empty. These are for future menu items. If the
tray is too large to fit in your oven you will
need to upgrade your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets,
and only the chicken variety is currently produced.
If you want another variety, call Microsoft Help
and they will explain that you really don’t want
another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you
really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all
smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future
releases will only be in the larger family size.
Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but
must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner
after ‘98. However, that version has yet to be
released. Users have permission to get thrilled in
advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other
dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to
self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your
freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.

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