The Top Don’ts At The Office Christmas Party

Don’t go up to your boss and make the comparison of him with Santa because he’s fat, jolly and only works one day out of the year.

Don’t put your boss in a sleeper hold just to bargain for a better salary.

Don’t offer anyone a hit from your Egg-Nog funnel.

Don’t call your best client and tell him how much you fudged his books by just so you could throw this party in the first place.

Don’t chase the secretary around with mistletoe and an eggbeater.

Don’t tell your boss that you’re the one that runs the company.

adminTop Lists20 Oct, 2005No Comments

The Top Bad Response For Guys To Give To The “How Do I Look” Question

“That’s a great outfit honey but Halloween was 6 weeks ago.”

“I ain’t seen a caboose that big since Amtrak left town.”

“Uh-uh, the last time I answered that question, I went temporarily blind.”

“Ssshhh, the games on right now..go look in the mirror, that’s what its there for!!”

“Oh man, I’m gonna lose my lunch.”

“Like the girl I was with yesterday.”

“Like someone in dire need for some liposuction.”

“Well, if I close my eyes, just like my previous, prettier girlfriend.”

“How can I put this…MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

adminTop Lists20 Oct, 2005No Comments

Top Things You Should Not Say To A Judge
“I got your community service right here pal!”

“Boy your chamber sure does look different with the lights on.”

“You couldn’t carry Wapner’s gavel you moron!”

“You’re not as easy to buy as others said you were.”

“No you robe wearing geek.”

“I don’t suppose there’s a “You get me off, I get you off” type of deal out there?”

“Just out of curiousity, are you wearing pants?”

adminTop Lists20 Oct, 2005No Comments

Top Advantages of An Asteroid Really Hitting Earth

For starters, you’d be able to surf in South Dakota.

Wouldn’t have to hear that garbage Aerosmith song anymore.

The one dinosaur on the planet (here’s a clue..he’s purple) would be extinct.

We’d miss out on Tony Danza’s or Jenny McCarthy’s next sitcom.

Puts a major damper on that Molly Hatchet/Judas Priest reunion tour.

Pretty good chance that the Gorditas Dog from the Taco Bell commercials wouldn’t survive.

There’d be no more movies on the topic, that’s for sure.

adminTop Lists20 Oct, 2005No Comments

The Top 10 Signs Your Dentist Is Crazy

Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.

His restrooms are labeled “Bleeders” and “Non-Bleeders”

Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.

Does an extensive search for cavities…dental and body.

He…ummm..licks his tools clean.

Gets mad when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed line.

When you come to from being under the gas, he’s quick to insist that you wore your pants backwards when you came into his office.

Wears a necklace made of human teeth.

Has a grindstone in the office for his tools.

Insists that a Novacaine shot is something that he’ll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.

adminTop Lists20 Oct, 2005No Comments

The Top 10 Reasons Disney Delayed Launching Their Cruise Line

Pluto’s “accident” on Deck 3

Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand.

Exterminator killed off “rat” problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie’s cousins.

Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier.

Charo kept showing up.

The Beast from “Beauty and the Beast” kept eating the midnight buffet.

The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the “You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride” Requirements.

Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong.

Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs.

New hires Doc,Isaac,and Gopher quit days before launch,citing that this job is not as “exciting and new” as their last one.

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The Top 10 Floor Plans for the Planet Hollywood Movie Hotel

“Scream” suite which becomes vacant quickly.

Hotel pool never gets used due to menacing music and one lone fin circling at all times.

Marv Albert has reservations for “The Crying Game” floor.

More suicide jump precautions on the Pauly Shore floor than anywhere else.

No one takes a shower on the “Psycho” floor

Pee-Wee Herman as a tour guide…YIKES

No buttons on the elevator to the Star Wars floor…just use the Force.

Room service involves Shannon Tweed and George Clooney.

Wake up call on Stallone floor is “Yo, Adrian!”

“Showgirls” floor booked until 2010..by Congress.

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The Top 10 Least Popular Halloween Handouts

Spinach flavored Rice Cakes.

Teeth removing Taffy

Metamucil in a straw

Ex-Lax Brownies

Caramel Covered Zucchini

Colored Crisco on a Stick

Hot steaming bowl of pumpkin guts

Chocolate Covered Prunes

A Handful of Red Man

Anything that ticks!

adminTop Lists20 Oct, 2005No Comments

The Top 10 Least Desirable Fortunes in a Fortune Cookie

We know where you live.

You will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes.

Everyone’s meal today is on you!

The “special sauce” came from the floor!

Guess what our special “drop” was in our Egg Drop Soup and win a free meal!!

Your colon will self destruct in five seconds.

A recent prison escapee that is sitting near by wants to love you long time.

Your dog Sparky…he’s no longer missing.

See the waiter about our new food poison life insurance policies.

MSG? NO!! Ebola Virus….maybe

adminTop Lists20 Oct, 2005No Comments

The Top Recently Rejected Saturday Morning Cartoons

“Billy, the Homicidal Smurf.”

“Scooby and Shaggy Go To The Retirement Home.”

“Archie, the Abcessed Tooth.”

“Yosemite Sam…UNCENSORED!”

“The Golden Girls meet The Power Rangers.”

“Da Boys in Mister Rogers Neighborhood.”

“The Land of The Lost…The Barney Years.”

“COPS” in full color animation!

adminTop Lists20 Oct, 2005No Comments