My wife came with instructions. Plenty of instructions. She instructed me on how to do everything all over again. And she was quick to point out all my faults. I only came with two instructions……to show her how to clean a pipe…and how to make munchie food.
Jay&Jay is “going to try to make these the best ones and tell me what you think”-PS: if you dont forgett
You Are A True Stoner If-
1-If you think the black and white specks on the T.V. is a good stoner movie.
2-If you only think that a true stoner only has weed when you need them(well a true stoner like me has weed 24/7
3-If you get a phone call and get pissed because that walk took too fuckin long.
4-If your parents find the weed that you left on the table because you forgot were you put it.
5-If you light a cigarette only thinking it was a joint.
6-If smokin weed is the only thing that you are not too lazy to do.
7-If your girlfriend calls and you are pissed because you had to move and tell her just to come over and fuck me.
9-If all you think about is weed,munchies,sex,sleep over and over.
10-If you always have visine in your weed pouch.
11-If you hat has a pot leaf on it.
12-If it takes you 20 min. just to get downstairs
13-If you get really fuckin pissed when you are hanging out with you friends and no one has weed.
14-If six hits wont even get you high anymore.
15-If you always need to wear green just for the benifit of the colour of weed.
16-Fuck dude it seems like ive been doing this for hours seriosly.
17-If you were knockin on someones door and it takes them 12 min. to get to it and you say “holy shit you were fast”.
18-If you need to cellabrate 420
19-If your email address is Jasonlocal420@wmconnect.com yea me and email me if you want more
20-If you have the munchies 24/7
21-If your room mate dosnt even smoke weed but every time he walks in he gets stoned because the place is always hot-boxed.
22-If you get lit on fire and the day you get out of the hospital you already have a 40 sack on you.
23-If you will only date a stoner.
24-If you dont trust people that dont smoke weed.
25-If you are always sleeping on shake.
26-If you can turn anything in to a pipe or bong.
27-If the only thing you had was watches and you use them.
28-If you started smokin at age 8 like me
29-If you forgot to go to your wedding
30-If you never noticed that I skipped #8
just for the hell of it Ijust got this email that said where would you $500 dollers go were do they think its going to fuckin go
You are a true stoner if***
1 you call for pizza and forget who you called and ask for a 40 sack*
2 your friend calls and asks for weed and you forget what they wanted*
3 heres a letter for you but the words get confused and the conversation dies*
You are a true stoner if…………………………………………………………………………………
1~If you like these jokes as they are funny as hell.
2~If you have a lt more weed than your friends but you choose to smoke theirs.
3~If all thats on your mind is “I cant remember”
4~If smokin pot leads to “I cant remember”
5~If you love to refill your pipe 24/7.
6~If everything someone says and they always go too fast to understand.
7~If you think you need a joint in one hand and a beer in the other or you WILL fall over.
8~If you are in a store and ask around for bud.
9~If you think im already done with this.(well your wrong)
10~If you take a drag of a cigg.and hold it in because you are used to it.
11~If you were at one time a vegitarian.
12~If you axcuse is “It makes me feel good”
13~If you “I forget what I was going to say”.
14~If you think you have been reading this for an hour already.
15~If you are getting lost with all these letters.
16~If you forgot what 15 was already.
17~If you think P-O-T stands for Puff On This.
18~If you forget what its like to be sober.
19~If youre always thinking “Fuck the next lessen ill pass the test quessin.
20~Oh hey fuckers im getting married.
21~If you turned your own bike into a bong.
22~If you only have just a little tiny bit of weed and you smoke it hoping to get high
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Q- How many stoners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A- Man fuck the light lets get high.
Q- How long does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A- Well it will seem like hours and a lot of work to get up there.
Q- Why dont you ever fun over a stoner?
A- You might break his pipe.
Q- Why do stoners choose weed over all other drugs?
A- because hes a stoner.
Q-What does a stoner do when his lighter runs out of fluid?
A- duh the fuckers going to get another one.
A stoner is so damn poor when someone rings the door bell he says”Ding Dong”
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A guy and a stoner are out hunting deer. The guy says, “Did you see that?”
“No,” the stoner says.
“Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead,” the guy says.
“Oh,” says the stoner.
A couple of minutes later, The guy says, “Did you see that?”
“See what?” said the stoner.
“Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there.”
“Oh said the stoner.”
A few minutes later the first guy says: “Did you see that?”
By now, the stoner is getting aggravated, so he says, “Yes, I did!”
And the guy says: “Then why did you step in it?”
captain “What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”
stoner “Throw out an anchor, sir,” the student replied.
captain”What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”
stoner “Throw out another anchor, sir.”
captain “And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?” asked the captain.
stoner “Throw out another anchor, sir.”
“Hold up,” said the captain. “Where are you getting all those anchors from?”
“From the same place you’re getting your storms from.” said the stoner
A stoner is walking around the town and comes across a lamp and a gieni came out of it and granted the stoner 2 wishes and only 2
The stoner thinks for a minute and says “I want an unending joint”
and with a blink of an eye he was smokin it and it never shortend
The gieni says “you still have one more wish”
The stoner blazed off his ass says “this kicks fuckin ass give me another one”
Two stoner are walking around to there friends house and when they get to the door then they knock and go inside and there stoner friend inside says “yall got any weed”
they both say “no”
and he says “thats ok ive got some of my own” so they are smokin a storm and the 1st stoner says “im gonna go now im high”
and the other two are still smokin and the 2nd stoner says “i am going now im ripped off my ass”
And the last stoner was all alone and hes still smokin and then he said “Im gonna go now im fucked up”
You are A true stoner if…………
1*If you use big bags of weed as chairs.
2*Smoke weed and you’ll be free.
3*If you ever got your ass kicked in a fight the only thing to worry about is if you got a light.
4*If you ever got cought dont worry its all about smokin pot.
5*The only thing you need a lot of is marijuana.
6*Smoke the weed and you’ll you’ll know you dont need speed.
7*Fuck number seven I aint do i realy need to teach you another fuckin lesson?
YOUAREATRUESTONERIF……
1-YOU ARE TOO BAKED TO FINISH ALL THESE.
2-IF YOU LOST YOUR DOG AND WERE TOO HIGH TO GO LOOK FOR HIM.
3-IF IN SCHOOL TOU ALWAYS WERE TOO LAZY FOR THE WORK AND JUST SAY “FUCK THE NEXT LESSON ILL PASS THE TEST GUESSIN.
4-IF YOU EVER TRYED TO USE THE LIGHTER UP SIDE DOWN.
5-IF YOU WERE TOO FUCKIN BAKED TO GO ANY FURTHER.
MY BAD.
You Are A True Stoner If…..
1-If you went to school one day sober and everyone thought there was somthing differant about you.
2-If you ask your boss if you can have a weed break.
3-If you always forget to make the munchies BEFORE you smoke.
4-If everytime you get pulled over by a pig your car was hot-boxed.
5-If you finally found your lighter in your hand.
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RHIMES
1-If smokin pot was the only thing you were ever tought.
2-Plant a seed hope to see green.
3-Fuck number three i need to smoke some more weed.
4-Smokea fourty spend a twenty.
5-You dont need to lie if you have weed on your side.
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SHIRTS
1-I dont lie,cheat,smoke,or steal except to get laid.
2-Four20 always on time.
3-Oot heads local 420 union.
4-Marijuana Pickers Union.
5-We take drugs very seriously at my house.
6-I dont drink and drive,I smoke and fly instead.
7-Hide the weed jesus is coming.
8-I suffer from C-R-A-F-T (cant remember a fuckin thing)
9-necrophilia….when someone has that uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.(Not Beer)
10-Only users lose drugs.
11-Open your mouth and let me do the rest.
12-Marijuana over 1 billion stoned.
13-Participant- CIA weed smokin experiment DO NOT ARREST THIS POTHEAD.
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-NO TITLE-
Let me get right to the point no one wants to live life without a joint.
You dont want to go to jail because that comes right before hell.
Your right on the dot if you are smokin pot.
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You Are A True Stoner If…..
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1.If you are running from the cops and hide in a police station.
2.If you lost your wallet and ask for someone elses.
3.If your dog lost his weed.
4.If you walk into Wal*Mart and walk out another door right away because you forgott what you were doing.
5.If you think quarter horses are the ones that ride in front of K-Mart. 6.If you got married on four20.
7.If you were waiting for 4:20 to come and then you snap out of it and realize the clock is broken at 4:19.
8.If your girlfriend intruduses you to her parents and the first thing you ask is “Do you smoke weed”.
9.If you are never too high to smoke anothert bowl.
10.If you forgott what it was like to be sober.
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Can you beleive this bullshit me girl is pregnant and she said that if i dont quit smokin weed that she WILL leave me and keep the kid isnt that fuckin BULLSHIT?
admin
24 Oct, 2005