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Praying Without Ceasing

sahil — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 09:58:14 +0000

Before our grandson Erik was 2 years old, he had learned that prayers ended with “amen.” At a prayer meeting, he got tired of a long prayer by one of the petitioners and politely said, “amen.” But the prayer did not stop.Erik must have felt he’d had enough, for after while he repeated loudly, “I said amen!”

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KNOWLEDGE PILLS

sahil — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:24:31 +0000

A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.The pharmacist says: “Here’s a pill for English literature.” The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature.”What else do you have?” asks the student. “Well I have pills for art history, biology, and world history,” replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.Then the student asks: “Do you have a pill for math?” The pharmacist says, “Wait just a moment,” goes back to the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plonks it on the counter.”I have to take that huge pill for math?” inquires the student.The pharmacist replies, “Well you know math always was a little hard to swallow.”

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ENGLISH IS A STUPID LANGUAGE

sahil — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 14:18:29 +0000

Let’s face it, English is a stupid language. There is no egg in the eggplant. No ham in the hamburger. And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England. And French fries were not invented in France.We sometimes take English for granted. But if we examine its paradoxes we find that Quicksand takes you down slowly, Boxing rings are square And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing? If the plural of tooth is teeth, Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth? If the teacher taught, Why didn’t the preacher praught?If a vegetarian eats vegetables, What the heck does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play, Yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and Drive on parkways? How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day And as cold as hell on another?You have to marvel at the unique lunacy Of a language where a house can burn up as It burns down. And in which you fill in a form, By filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes!English was invented by people, not computers. And it reflects the creativity of the human race. (Which of course isn’t a race at all)That is why, When the stars are out, they are visible But when the lights are out, they are invisible And it’s why when I wind up my watch, It starts. But when I wind up this poem, It ends.

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Invite

sahil — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 07:57:55 +0000

A young mother decided to host a dinner party, and invited 6 couples and their children.She worked very hard, and by the time the guests arrived, she was exhausted. When it was time to say the blessing, she asked her 5 year old daughter to say grace. To help her along, she said,” Go ahead, honey, just say what mommy does” The little girl bowed her head and prayed” Lord, why did I invite all these people?”

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The National Institutes of Health

sahil — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 08:04:13 +0000

The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision: 1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats. 2. The medical researchers don’t become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats. 3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won’t do.

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H2O

sahil — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 14:16:28 +0000

Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? A: K9P. Related posts:Ideal Surgery Patient Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing... Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin. Related posts:

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MIT

sahil — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 06:29:15 +0000

The following is an exact transcription of a letter John Mongan received from MIT, and the reply that he sent them. Unfortunately, they chose to discontinue their correspondence at that point. I have heard, however, that their recruitment letter has been revised and is far less snotty than it once was. April 18, 1994Mr. John T. Mongan123 Main StreetSmalltown, California 94123-4567Dear John:You’ve got the grades. You’ve certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you’ve got a letter from MIT. Maybe you’re surprised. Most students would be. But you’re not most students. And that’s exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!Engineering’s not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to writing.What? Of course, you don’t want to be bored. Who does? Life here is tough and demanding, but it’s also fun. MIT students are imaginative and creative – inside and outside the classroom.You’re interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity teams – 39 – than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so everybody can participate.You think we’re too expensive? Don’t be too sure. We’ve got surprises for you there, too.Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this unique institution? Why not do it right now?Sincerely,Michael C. BenhkeDirector of AdmissionsP.S. If you’d like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, “Insight,” just check the appropriate box on the form.

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Keep studying

sahil — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 17:42:49 +0000

Students, take note:Knowledge is power …But power corrupts …And corruption is a crime …And crime doesn’t pay …So if you keep on studying you’ll go broke! No related posts. Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin. No related posts. Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE FINALS

sahil — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 01:38:38 +0000

‘Twas the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor last-minute knowledge.Most were quite sleepy,But none touched their beds,While visions of essaysDanced in their heads.Out in the taverns,A few were still drinking,And hoping that liquorWould loosen their thinking In my own room,I had been pacing,And dreading examsI soon would be facing. My roommate was speechless,His nose in his book,And my comments to himDrew unfriendly looks.I drained all the coffee,And brewed a new pot,No longer caringThat my nerves were shot.I stared at my notes,But my thoughts were all muddy;My eyes went a blur,And I just couldn’t study.”Some pizza might help,”I said with a shiver,But each place I calledRefused to deliver.I’d nearly concludedThat life was too cruel,With futures dependingOn grades earned in school.When all of a suddenOur door opened wideAnd Patron Saint “Put-It-Off”Ambled inside.His spirit was careless,His manner was mellow,But summoning effortHe started to bellow:”What kind of studentWould make such a fussTo toss back at teachersWhat they toss at us?On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!On Last Year’s Exams!On Wingit and Slingit,And Last-Minute Crams!”His message delivered,He vanished from sight,But we heard him laughingOutside in the night:”Your teachers have pegged you,So just do our best…Happy Finals to All,And to All, a good test.”

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Glasses

sahil — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 07:10:11 +0000

A professor gives a lecture in the college. After the long lecture he asks:”Any questions?”A voice from the rear desk:”Are the glasses free on your table?” Related posts:The Drunken Businessman Peter is relaxing after work one day in a bar... Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin. Related posts:

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