What is easier to fill a dump truck up with.. dead babies or bowling balls?
Dead babies.. because you can use a pitchfork.
Oct
22
admin
22 Oct, 2005
Oct
22
Q: What’s the difference between a faggot and a queer?
A: A faggot won’t go downtown with you to beat up queers!
Oct
22
How did Stevie Wonder pierce his ears? He answered the stapler (hello? *OUCH*)
Oct
22
Kids: “Hello Miss Saunders, can Johnny come out to play?” Mother: “I am sorry kids but you know Johnny has leprosy,” Kids: “Well, then can we come in and watch him rot?”
Oct
22
Q: What do a tampon and an Old Southern Debutant have in common?
A: They’re both stuck up cunts!!
Oct
22
Out on the town one night, a young lad successfully chats up an attractive female, and they go back to her place. “You can’t make any noise,” she warns him. “My parents are upstairs and if they find out they’ll kill us!”
Things start getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol gets the better of the man’s bladder. “I have to go,” he says.
“Well you can’t go upstairs, it’s right next to my parents’ bedroom,” she replies. “Use the kitchen sink”. So he dutifully retires to the kitchen.
A few minutes later, he pops his head round the door and asks… “Do you have any toilet paper?”
Oct
22
A guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him are
peeling and flaking off, and he’s very concerned about grossing out
the other fans.
The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where his
grotesque appearance won’t disturb anyone else. Finally he finds an open seat where he might be able to watch the game. He asks the man
in the adjoining seat if it would be okay to sit there.
The man answers, “Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.”
The leper sits down and adds, “As you can see, I have leprosy. If
it disturbs you, I will move.”
“It doesn’t bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game.”
A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits.
Frothy beer, hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere.
Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, “Thank you for allowing
me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused
you to get sick. I will find another place to sit.”
“It’s NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.”
So the leper sits back down. But during the sixth inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is projectile vomitus. A powerful blast of beer and pretzels shoots out from the man’s mouth and nose until is stomach is completely emptied.
Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, “Thank you for allowing
me to sit next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused
you to get sick. I will find another place to sit.”
“Really, it’s NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game.”
So the leper sits back down. But during the seventh inning, the man begins to vomit again. This time it is the dry heaves. The leper feels absolutely awful at the sight of this man suffering. And once again, the leper offers to leave.
But the man insists, “Really, it’s NOT you.”
So the leper asks, “Well if it’s not me that is making you so sick,
that what is it?”
“It’s that guy behind you. He keeps dipping his nachos in your back.”
Oct
22
Q: How do you define confusion?
A: Father’s Day in Harlem
Q: Now define utter confuion?
A: A blind lesbian in a fish market.
Oct
22
Once Santa Claus went to Ethiopia, to give the children some words of confort.
He was there, with all those bony kids all around, and then they started yelling: “WE WANT TOYS!! WE WANT TOYS!!!”
But then Santa, remembering his important job of orientating children to behave well, said: “A child who doesn’t eat right doesn’t get toys!!!”
Oct
22
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream and one scoop of dead baby.