An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says “seven points.”

His wife rolls over and asks, “What in the world was that?”

The old man says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead 7 to nothing.”

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie, score.”

After about ten minutes later he old man farts again and says, Touchdown I’m ahead 14 to 7.

Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”

The old man strains really hard but, to no avail he can’t fart, so not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more fart. Straining real hard the old man tries so hard he poops in the bed.

The wife asks, “Now what in the world was that?”

The old man replies, “Half-time, switch sides.”

sahilRude Jokes17 Jul, 2007No Comments

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: “What are you doing here today?”
Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.”
Man: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.”

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: “Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?”
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] “Unh unh.”

adminRude Jokes22 Oct, 2005No Comments

There’s this man who’s taking a walk around the red light district
until he passes a whorehouse with a blinking sign saying: “The
Hooker With Three Breasts…”. The man get’s just a little
interested and thinks “well… that could be a once in a lifetime
experience”. So he goes in and walks up to the man behind the
counter. “I’d like to see the hooker with the three breasts” he
says.

“Are you sure you can afford that… It’ll cost you a thousand
dollars” the pimp replies. But, the man is too exited, pull’s his
wallet and pays him the money. So, he’s taken up three stairs to a
little room in the back of the house and when he opens the room…
there she is. The room is dark but as he comes closer he sees it…
three breasts! And so the man absolutely has the night of his life.

The next day the man walks past that same whorehouse and thinking of
the night before and the time he had, he goes in and pays the pimp
another thousand dollars. Again, he goes up three stairs to that
little dark room in the back of the house. And as the day before,
she lies there waiting.

But, as he walks up to the hooker, he sees that something is
wrong… “Hey! You had three breasts yesterday…” he says after
which she smiles and says “What did you expect honey… you can only
suck out a boil like that once!”.

adminRude Jokes22 Oct, 2005No Comments

Q: What sexual position do you use to make an ugly baby?

A: Ask your parents.

adminRude Jokes22 Oct, 2005No Comments

How do you get four gay guys to sit at one stool?

Turn it upside down!

adminRude Jokes22 Oct, 2005No Comments

A blind man applies for a job at a saw mill.

The owner interviewing him asks him what kind of a job he is interested in. The blind man says “Inspecting wood.”
The owner laughs and says “But you’re blind!”

The blind man replies, “Test me! I can sniff any wood and tell you what it is.”

The owner agrees, and gives him a piece of wood to smell, “Tell me what kind of wood this is.”

The blind man plainly replies “It’s pine.”

The owner looking surprised grabs another piece and sticks it under the blind mans nose. The blind man says it is mohagany.

The owner thinks for a bit, then says, “I have one more piece for you to smell.”

He gets his secretary to sit spread-eagle on his desk and he asks the blind man what kind it is, pushing his head toward the secretary’s crotch.

The blind man replies, “Wwwhheeeeewwwwww wwwwweeeeeee!
Thats the shit-house door off of a tuna trolley!”

adminRude Jokes22 Oct, 2005No Comments

So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.

The head headhunter says “If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back”

So the hikers did that and came back.

The head head hunter said “Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your ass.”

So the first hiker has apples… Ok, apples it shouldn’t be too hard.
1 up okay… 2 up the hiker starts screeming, so the headhunters chop off his head.

The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy!
1 up okay… 2 up fine… 3… 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.

So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples askes the hiker who had the grapes “What happened… you had grapes, I mean you got killed c’mon what happened?”

The guy who had grapes says, “Well the other hiker…….. he…….. he……… he had watermellons!”

adminRude Jokes22 Oct, 2005No Comments

Two friends in a Bar:

JACK: Joe, at what moment does your wife shout loudest during sex?

JOE: Er…, when I clean myself off with the curtains.

adminRude Jokes22 Oct, 2005No Comments

There was this guy who was sick so he went to the doctor. The doc ran
some
tests and sent him home with some medicine. The next day the doctor
called
and the wife answered.

“I’m going to have to run a few more tests”, the doctor said “I’m going
to
need a semen, urine and a fecal sample”.

After she hung up the husband asked, “What did the doctor say?”

“Oh the doctor is going to need a pair of your underwear”.

adminRude Jokes22 Oct, 2005No Comments

Q: What’s better than winning 4 gold medals at the special olympics?

A: Not being retarded!

adminRude Jokes22 Oct, 2005No Comments