“You know,” a guy told his buddies, “I’m a lucky man.I never realized how much my wife loved me until the other day when I had to stay home sick from work.”
“What did she do?” someone asked.
“She was so happy to have me home,” he said, “that every time someone came to the door, like the mailman or milkman, she’d shout, ‘My husbands home! My husband’s home!’”
Marriage for women has its ups and downs. How?
The toilet seat is up and the hubby’s sex interest is down.
I saw my old girlfriend the other day and she had her wedding ring on the wrong finger.
When I pointed this out to her, she said, “I know, I married the wrong man.”
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun. “It’s for my husband,” she tells the clerk.
“Did he tell you what gauge to get?” asked the clerk.
“Are you kidding?” she says. “He doesn’t even know that I’m going to shoot him!”
When the husband came home from his job, he found his wife crying.
“Your mother insulted me, very much.” she sobbed.
“My mother? How could she do that when she’s on a vacation on the other side of the world?”
“I know. But this morning, a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it, because I was curious.”
“And?”
“At the end of the letter, it was written:
P.S. Dear Catherine, when you’ve read this letter, don’t forget to give it to my son.”
A husband and wife were fighting about their sex life.
“You never even tell me when you’re having an orgasm!” he yelled.
“How can I?” she shot back. “You’re never here!”
My marriage is childless so far, except for my husband!
When we were dating, my husband used to always tell me those three magic words, “I love you”. Now that we are married, those three magic words have become, “What’s for dinner?”
When we were dating, my husband would gently rub me with hot oil while he affectionately called me lovely nicknames. Now that we are married, he gently rubs his car with hot wax, which now has its own pet nickname.
When we were dating, my husband would always love to watch me undress. Now that we are married, he loves to watch championship wrestling.
When we were dating, my husband read poetry to me as he caressed me in his arms late into the night. Now that we are married, he quotes me sports statistics and stock prices during breakfast.
When we were dating, my husband would passionately motivate and urge me on in whatever I did, whether it was at my job or during sex. Now that we are married, the only thing he passionately urges on is his favorite football team.
When we were dating, my husband would make love to me on his waterbed like a sex-starved wild beast who would go on and on. So we called the bed our “Ocean Of Motion Love Potion”. Now that we are married, the bed has been renamed “The Dead Sea”.
One way to live together and never have an argument is for both husband and wife to be hard-of-hearing…
and to share the same hearing aid.
Sign seen on the back of a truck:
Driver carries no money, his wife has it!
admin
24 Oct, 2005