Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte - What your pitbull done to cousin Jethro.
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker.
Crash - When you go to Junior’s party uninvited.
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette - Female Disco dancer.
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS.
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac - Big Bubba’s favorite fast food.
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem - What you do when the grass gets too high.
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network - Scooping up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ROM - Where the pope lives.
Screen - Keeps mosquitoes off the porch.
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Superconductor - Amtrak’s Employee of the year.
SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) - What you call your week-old underwear

sahilRedneck Jokes14 Feb, 2008No Comments

A redneck from Arkansas needed to borrow $500 so he went to the bank for a loan.

The banker pulled out the loan application, “What are you going to do with the money?”

“Take jewelry to city and sell it,” was the response.

“What have you got for collateral?”

“Don’t know collateral.”

“Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?”

“Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup.”

The banker shook his head, “How about livestock?”

“Yes, I have a horse.”

“How old is it?”

“Don’t know, has no teeth.”

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.

Several weeks later the redneck was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, “Here to pay,” he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.

“What are you going to do with the rest of that money?”

“Put it in the trailer.”

“Why don’t you deposit it in my bank,” he asked.

“Don’t know deposit.”

“You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it.”

The redneck leaned across the desk and asked, “What you got for collateral?”

sahilRedneck Jokes13 Feb, 2008No Comments

A cowboy riding down a trail on his horse came upon a rattlesnake. The cowboy reached for his gun and was about to shoot him when the rattlesnake said, “Don’t shoot me. I am an enchanted rattlesnake. If you don’t shoot me I will give you three wishes.”

The cowboy said, “Okay, I would like to have a face just like Clark Gable. I would like to have a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s. And I would like to have sexual equipment like this here horse I’m ridin’.”

The rattle snake said, “Done. When you get bacxk to the bunkhouse and look in the mirror, it will happen.”

The cowboy got on his horse and rode back to the bunkhouse. He looked in the mirror and saw a face just like Clark Gable staring at him. He ripped off his shirt and had rippling muscles. The he ripped off his pants, looked down and yelled, “I forgot I was riding the mare!”

sahilRedneck Jokes12 Feb, 2008No Comments

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “chickens.”
“Chickens, eh?” says one guy. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”

“Heck,” says the guy with the bag, “iffin you guess right, I’ll give you both of ‘em.”

The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um… five?”

sahilRedneck Jokes11 Feb, 2008No Comments

You might be a redneck if you give Santa three pickled eggs and a cold one instead of cookies and milk.

sahilRedneck Jokes10 Feb, 2008No Comments

You might be a redneck if you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws!

sahilRedneck Jokes9 Feb, 2008No Comments

You might be a redneck if your senior prom had a daycare!

sahilRedneck Jokes8 Feb, 2008No Comments

Guns don’t kill people. Dumb-ass, shit-for-brains, rednecks with no jobs kill people.

sahilRedneck Jokes7 Feb, 2008No Comments

You might be a redneck if you had to remove your toothpick for the wedding pictures!

sahilRedneck Jokes6 Feb, 2008No Comments

You might be a redneck if you think subdivision is part of a math problem!

john.mason-smith@regulusgroup.com

sahilRedneck Jokes5 Feb, 2008No Comments