How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
Three. One to eat it, and two to watch for cars.
Jan
23
sahil
23 Jan, 2008
Jan
22
Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time Allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs, pharmaceutical, and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving and military records are none of our business.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery
You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton and John Kerry did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.
Jan
22
You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says ”Just Say No To Crack” and it reminds you to pull up your pants!
Jan
21
If somebody accuses you of lying through your tooth, you might be a redneck.
Jan
16
You might be a redneck if your congregation uses shot glasses for communion.
Jan
15
If your wife asks you to get some groceries, and you put on camoflage and grab a shotgun, you might be a redneck.
Jan
14
If you make change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
Jan
13
Q: Who has the right of way any time?
A: The car with a gun rack and a bumper sticker that reads “Guns don’t kill people, I do.”
Jan
12
How do you know when a redneck isn’t wearing any underwear?
There’s dandruff on his/her shoes.
Jan
11
Why’d the redneck cross the road?
Because he wanted to sleep in the ditch on the other side.