How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive”?
Olive ?
Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call
him names”
Oct
20
admin
20 Oct, 2005
Oct
20
Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand?
A: Trapper John
Oct
20
Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the bathroom?
A: The ZIP Code.
Oct
20
Q: What did the raccoon say in his will?
A: “Leave it to Beaver.”
Oct
20
Q: What do you use to fry a peter?
A: Peter Pan.
Oct
20
Q: What do you look for when you’re tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?
A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.
Oct
20
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!”
The panda yells back at the bartender, “Hey man, I’m a PANDA! Look it up!”
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
“A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.
Oct
20
Hangover: The wrath of grapes.
Income Tax: Capital punishment.
A used car is not always what it’s jacked up to be.
Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.
To my sweetheart: My cooking’s gotten better since I fondue.
A robber broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats, and the police didn’t have anything to go on.
Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words.
Egotist: One who is me-deep in conversation.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist’s Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Did you hear about the woman who started dating rakes and fell on hard tines?
Why won’t melons elope in Las Vegas? They cantaloupe.
Q: What do Christmas and a crab on the beach have in common?
A: They both involve sandy claws.
Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.
Kleptomaniac: One who can’t help himself from helping himself.
Did you hear about the snake who gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?
Once I got angry at the chef of an Italian restaurant, so I gave him a pizza my mind.
The fish secretary lodged herself in a pipe and could no longer type. Her doctor said, “This is a clear case of ‘Carp in tunnel’ syndrome.”
A friend of mine who commutes to work everyday through the Lincoln Tunnel with a bunch of co-workers recently complained about what a pain it was. I told him that he may have a bad case of “car pool tunnel syndrome.”
California smog test: Can UCLA?
The competition at a local dog show was quite “Ruff”
Q: How did the pig with laryngitis feel?
A: Dis-gruntled.
Oct
20
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
“But why?”, they asked, as they moved off.
“Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
Oct
20
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.