jokesdot.com

The Yoko Club? - Oh no.
The German philosophy club? - I. Kant.
The Ford-Nixon club? - Pardon me?
The Arafat club? - Yessir.
The Alzheimer’s club? - Forget it.
The Ebert movie club? - Roger.
The Groucho Marx club? - You bet your life.
The Peter Pan club? - Never. Never.
The Japanese theater club? - Noh.
The quarterback club? - I’ll pass.
The Rhett Butler club? - I don’t give a damn.
The compulsive rhymers club? - Okey-dokey.
The Spanish optometrists club? - Si.
The anti-perspirant club? - Sure.
The pregnancy club? - Conceivably.
The Procrastinator’s Club? - Maybe next week
The Self Esteem Builders? - They wouldn’t accept me anyway
The Agoraphobics Society? - Only if they meet at my house
The Co-Dependence Club? - Can I bring a friend?
The Prayer Group? - God willing!

What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies?

Snowballs.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He sidles up to the bar and announces:
“I’m lookin’ for the man who shot my paw.”

Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?

A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.

One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.

The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve mushrooms here.”

The mushroom says, “Why?! I’m a fun guy!”

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays.

After looking over the menu he says, “I’ll just have the eggs benedict.” His order comes a while later and it’s served on a huge fancy chrome plate.

He asks the waiter, “What’s with the fancy plate?”
The waiter replies, “There’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!”

Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large
puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side.

So… the one flies over and the other one swims through-which one
gets to the worm first?

The one who swam, of course, because “Da oily boid gets da woim.”

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a
beer?”

The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”

Two molecules are walking down the street and they run in to each other.

One says to the other, “Are you all right?”
“No, I lost an electron!”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive!”