What does a redneck girl and the Unabomber have in common?
They’ve both been fingered by their brothers.
Feb
4
sahil
4 Feb, 2008
Feb
3
How many Branch Davidians can you fit in a car?
It depends on how big your ashtray is!
Feb
2
The real reason the administration doesn’t want to release the transcripts of the energy council meetings is because at one point you would hear Kenneth Lay barking, “Turn off that pacemaker Cheney. It’s interfering with my cell phone.”
Jan
31
George Bush is on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?
The nation.
Jan
30
Why wouldn’t JFK make a good boxer?
He can’t take a shot to the head!
Jan
28
Ever wonder why the IRS calls it, “Form 1040?”
Because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
Jan
27
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened.
About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
“What happened to you?”, asked Bill.
“Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me,” said the driver.
“My God, what did you tell them?”, asks Clinton.
The driver replies, “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”
Jan
26
George, The Canadian Prime Minister and Bin-Ladin were walking down the beach together and the Canadian said look an Aladin Lamp.He picked up the lamp and said lets all rub on it and see if it works!! So they proceeded to rub on it together and PLOOF a genie popped out and said “thank you for getting me outta there and setting me free I will grant you three wishes but since you all rubbed together I will have to give you each one wish” . So who’s first? They all decided to let the Canadian go first since he found the lamp. The canadian said for his wish he wanted all the farm land in Canada to be fertile forever. The genie said it’s done and all the farm land in Canada was fertile forever. Then the genie asked who would be next? Bush being the Texan that he is told Bin-Ladin to go next. Bin-Ladin asked the genie that he wanted to be the ruler of Afganistan and to build an impenterable wall 60 feet tall and no way to get in or out all the way around Afganistan. The genie said it is done and there was a great wall around Afganistan and Bin-Ladin would be the Ruler. The genie turned to Bush and asked and what is your wish? Ole Bush thought a few minutes and asked what Bin-Ladin had wished for again? The genie told him that he wanted to be the ruler of Afganistan and to build a great wall 60 feet tall and impenterable. Bush said well for my wish ,just fill that great wall full of water.
Sep
6
* You own something that says, “Dukakis for President, ” and still display it.
* You’ve ever said, “We really should call the ACLU about this.”
* You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
* You ever based an argument on the phrase, “But they can afford a tax hike because…”
* You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
* You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
* You can’t talk about foreign policy without using the word conspiracy.
* You think Ralph Nader makes a lot of sense.
* You don’t understand why anyone was bothered by Jane’s trip to Hanoi.
* You think solar energy is being held back by those greedy oil companies.
* You’ve never been mugged.
* You actually expect to collect Social Security.
* You think the State of Florida should have tried to reform Ted Bundy.
* You think the Great Society has actually worked.
* You don’t see the similarity between WONK and WANK.
* You got teary-eyed during the film “The American President.”
* You think Ayn Rand is an African currency.
* Your house smells like a garbage dump because of your commitment to recycling.
* You think political patronage describes the Kennedy family.
* Your High School Year Book goals included the words “help people.”
* You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese.
* You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore.
* You believe personal injury lawyers when they say they are just trying to defend the little guy.
* You know that those profit mongering drug companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really wanted to.
* You actually believe the NY Times and Washington Post.
* You know at least one Vegan.
* You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she was driving.
* You’d rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock.
* You think public housing is great, but just NIMBY.
* You think the anti-war protestors from ’60s are the real heroes.
* You think that Supply Side Economics refers to your dope dealer’s stash.
* You think Michael Jackson is a great example of diversity.
* You actually think that poverty can be abolished.
* You think that Joan Baez had something to say.
* You admire the Swedish welfare system.
* You know that Jefferson really meant to say “Entitled to Happiness.”
* You think the Flat Tax should be at 95%
* You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one can call you homophobic.
* After looking at your pay stub you can still say, “America is undertaxed.”
Sep
3
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then — to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone — “to relax,” I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true.
Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother’s.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, “What is it exactly we are doing here?”
One day the boss called me in. He said, “Listen, I like you, and it \hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job.”
This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. “Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking …” “I know you’ve been thinking,” she said, “and I want a divorce!”
“But Honey, surely it’s not that serious.”
“It is serious,” she said, lower lip aquiver. “You think as much as college professors, and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!”
“That’s a faulty syllogism,” I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
“I’m going to the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors… They didn’t open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker’s Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting.
At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed … easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today, I registered to vote Republican.