An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.

Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, “STOP! Acts 2:38!” (”Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.”)

As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody.

As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, “Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse.”

“Scripture?” replied the burglar.

“She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”

sahilPolice Jokes20 Apr, 2008No Comments

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see’s a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22″ was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.

“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142.”

sahilPolice Jokes19 Apr, 2008No Comments

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11′3.”

They got out and measured their rig, which was 12′4.”

“What do you think?” one asked the other.

The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. “Not a cop in sight. Let’s take a chance!”

sahilPolice Jokes18 Apr, 2008No Comments

The 4 Basic Food Groups for Police Officers

1. Glazed
2. Jelly
3. Powdered
4. Chocolate Frosted

sahilPolice Jokes17 Apr, 2008No Comments

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”

The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”

sahilPolice Jokes16 Apr, 2008No Comments

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.

FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.

The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We’re over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That’s right. I’m an FBI agent.

Pizza Man: You’re an FBI agent?

Agent: That’s correct. Just about everybody here is.

Pizza Man: And you’re at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That’s correct. And make sure you don’t go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.

Pizza Man: And you say you’re all FBI agents?

Agent: That’s right. How soon can you have them here?

Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That’s right. We’ve been here all day and we’re starving.

Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?

Agent: I have my checkbook right here.

Pizza Man: And you’re all FBI agents?

Agent: That’s right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Man: I don’t think so.

** Click **

sahilPolice Jokes15 Apr, 2008No Comments

The Judge said to the defendant. “I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again.”

“Your Honor,” the criminal said, “that’s what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn’t listen.”

sahilPolice Jokes14 Apr, 2008No Comments

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars.

The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. ‘What the heck are you doing?’ he asks the drunk.

‘I’m looking for my car, and I can’t find it.’ he replies.

‘So how does feeling the roof help you ?’ asks the puzzled manager.

‘well,’ replies the drunk earnestly, ‘MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!’.

sahilPolice Jokes23 Nov, 2007No Comments

 A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100…..Then the reality of the situation hit him.

“What in hell am I doing?” he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car.

“I’ve had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don’t feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go!” said the cop.

“Last week my wife ran off with a cop,” the man said, “and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”

“Off you go,” said the officer.

sahilPolice Jokes14 Sep, 2007No Comments

My horoscope read, “You’re going places and you can’t be stopped.”

Apparently the cop who gave me a ticket hadn’t read it.

Man: “What’s the charge?”

Polceman: “Oh, there’s no charge. It’s all part of the service.

sahilPolice Jokes13 Sep, 2007No Comments