Steals Clock, Faces Time
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Include your Children when Baking Cookies
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Air Head Fired
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
Deer Kill 17,000
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
War Dims Hope for Peace
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Eye Drops off Shelf
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What’s another word for thesaurus?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
What’s another word for thesaurus?
Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty liter?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
How did a fool and his money get together?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
What do they use to ship styrofoam?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
You know how most packages say “Open here”. What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?