while the low
Oct
20
admin
20 Oct, 2005
Oct
20
If you are somehow defeated by the Americans and they are looking for prisoners,wave your arms in the air and say the following in the best way you can even if you dont know what it means:”Hey Americans,eat shit and die!” Then make one swift motion to surrender your pistol,the faster the better.The Americans on the Bradleys will Know what to do next.END OF MESSAGE.
Oct
20
Ten Recruits had just arrived at the training camp and were lined up for inspection.
“Hey johnson!” yelled the drill instructor, ” those are the ugliest shoes i’ve ever seen! ”
“Yes, sir” the young man answered.
“Those shoes are really really ugly, right?” hollered the D.I again
“Yes, sir!”
“And that hair- dont they have barbershops where you came from?”
“Yes, sir”, answered the recruit.
“So why didnt you get a haircut?”
“I was saving up for shoes, sir!”
Oct
20
The ultimate response to a Dear John letter…
A soldier was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a
letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained she had slept with
two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.
AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.
So the soldier did what any squared-away soldier would do. He went
around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he
could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and
without) to his girlfriend with the following note:
“I don’t remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and
send the rest back.”
NOW THERE IS A REAL SOLDIER!!
Oct
20
Military training:
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
“You simpleton!” the officer barked. “Don’t you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?”
“Yes sir,” the solder answered apologetically. “But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice and I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches but when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say,
“Let’s eat one now and save the other until winter’ —that did it!”
Oct
20
A soldier goes into the hospital for surgery after being wounded in
battle.
Waking up from the anesthesia he sees his doctor standing at his
bedside. “So tell me Doc, what did you do to me?”
The doctor says, “Son, we have some good news and some bad news.”
“Yeah, what?” replies the patient.
“Well the good news is that we were able to save your private
parts.”
“Yes, that is good news Doc, but what about the bad news?”
“We put them under your pillow!”
Oct
20
Why do all Coastie sevice personnel have to be at least 6 feet tall?
So they can walk back to shore after their boat sinks.
Oct
20
The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady.
For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest… and on, and on.
One afternoon an orderly entered the room. “Time to take your temperature, General.”
After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.
“Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end.”
A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.
The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, “Stay exactly like that and don’t move. I’ll be back in five minutes to check up on you” and withdrew.
An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, “What’s going on here?”
“Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?” the general barked.
“Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?”
Oct
20
A WW II American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other. There was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her. “Could I please sit in that seat” he asked.
The lady was insulted. “You Americans are so rude” she said, “can’t you see my dog is sitting there”?
He walked through the train more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place. “Lady, I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to hold your dog if I could sit down” he said.
The lady replied, “You Americans are not only rude you are arrogant” she said.
He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said, “Lady, I’ve been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time. Could I please sit there and hold your dog?”
The lady replied, “You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also obnoxious.”
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the widow, and sat down.
The lady was speechless.
An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up.
“Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady’s description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!”
Oct
20
Tree Generals got pensioned at the same time and they had a farewell party in NY. As a farewell present the men had got a sponsor to sponsor money for the Generals. The idea was: “Give two points on your body, we will measure the difference between thw points and for ev ery foot you will get 1000 USD”.
The Air force General “The top of my head and the botton of my feet” This was measured 6 feet 2″ and he got 6000USD.
The Navy General streched his hand to the left and his foot to the right said “My left forefinger and my right big toe”. The distance was 8 feet and he got 8000 USD.
The Infanatry General: “From my nose to my dick!” Everyone wasastonished but he said “masure.” The guy with the measuring tape: “But were is your Dick??” General “In Viet-Nam!”