A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.He’d been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office.Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander.He threw Colonel’s and General’s names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy’s condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO’s of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, “Can I help you sergeant?”The TSGT said, “Yes sir, I’m here to activate your phone lines.”

sahilMilitary Jokes28 Jun, 2008No Comments

|This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

sahilMilitary Jokes26 Jun, 2008No Comments

A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water.

The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar.

Catching his breath, he puffed: “Please don’t say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can’t swim I’d be disgraced.

“Don’t worry,” the general said. “Your secret is safe. I’d hate to have my men find out I can’t walk on water.”

sahilMilitary Jokes22 May, 2008No Comments

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

“Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I’m here.”

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

“Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I’m here.”

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.

“Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but…”

“Let me guess,” the General interrupted, “it broke down.”

“No,” said the G.I., “there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them.”

sahilMilitary Jokes27 Jan, 2008No Comments

This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio(NPR)interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

INTERVIEWER: ” So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?”

GENERAL REINWALD: ‘We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.”

INTERVIEWER: “Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?”

GENERAL REINWALD: “I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.”

INTERVIEWER: “Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?”

GENERAL REINWALD: “I don’t see how, ….we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm.”

INTERVIEWER: ” But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.”

GENERAL REINWALD: “Well, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?”

The radio went silent and the interview ended!

sahilMilitary Jokes20 Aug, 2007No Comments

When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough.

“That’s the only way to command respect in the Army,” his friends said.

So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth.

“Show me a sergeant and I’ll show you a dope,” Reggie shouted.

No sooner had he spoken than a brawny, battle-hardened figure appeared.

“I am a sergeant!” he bellowed.

“I am a dope,” whispered Reggie.

sahilMilitary Jokes19 Aug, 2007No Comments

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.

China blames U.S. for second mid-air collision!

Beijing (Reuters) - Chinese officials have stated they are holding the United States,” Fully responsible” for today’s mid air collision, involving several Chinese aircraft and one American aircraft. This comes just weeks after a similar incident involving a U.S. spy plane.

Officials have stated that at approximately 8:46am, GMT, a squadron of F-8 fighters collided with the American Goodyear Blimp. The crash left over a dozen Chinese fighters downed and the blimps electronic billboard damaged.

A Chinese pilot who witnessed the collision involving his squadron, nicknamed “Panda Rash”, told China’s news agency that he saw the American blimp dive out of the clouds and onto wingman Thee Sum Yun Dork’s f-8 jet.

“I told Thee Dork his tail was all broken. Keep it straight. Keep it straight.” said the pilot “He could not shake the American foreign-devil” The blimp reportedly then veered left then right, taking out the rest of the squadron.

Pilot Chawp Sueey told Xinhua the American blimp ” Fully responsible for the incident” repeating the language Beijing had used in the earlier incident.

China blames this new accident on the Goodyear blimp, saying it rammed the supersonic fighters, and has demanded an apology.

Officials from the Goodyear Company have said it is unlikely that the slow propeller driven blimp could turn inside and ram a dozen nimble fighters unless the Chinese were testing chimp pilots.

“The direct cause of the collision was that the American blimp made a sudden big move toward the Chinese planes, making it impossible for the Chinese planes to get out of the way. The savage act of American blimps colliding with Chinese planes while conducting spying missions at sporting events makes us indignant” Chawp Sueey was quoted as saying.

Chinese officials are calling for an apology from the United States and enough Goodyear tires to replace the Firestone’s that experienced spontaneous combustion last year.

sahilMilitary Jokes18 Aug, 2007No Comments

The following is supposedly a true story relating to a United States shipping company.

THE U.S. shipping company had a new ship built. It was to be the pride of the fleet, and something special was wanted to decorate the captain’s saloon, a large living room/office where the vessel’s business and entertaining would take place.

Someone suggested that a set of nautical prints would lend a nice touch. He knew of a shop in London that specialized in such things, and the prints were ordered and hung in the saloon.

It was not until the trial run of the vessel, when both the builder’s and the owner’s representatives were aboard, that someone looked closely at the prints. Each was of an American ship being captured by, or surrendering to, a British warship during the War of 1812.

sahilMilitary Jokes17 Aug, 2007No Comments

A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.

A rancher rode past.

“Say, friend”, called out one of the men, “how far is it to the next town?”

“Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon,” called back the rancher. Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.

“How far to the next town?” the men asked him eagerly.

“Oh, a good two miles.”

A nearly half hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher. “Hey, how far’s the next town?”

“Not far,” was the encouraging answer, “only about two miles.”

“Well,” sighed the optimistic sergeant, “thank God, we’re holding our own, anyhow!”

sahilMilitary Jokes16 Aug, 2007No Comments

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: “So how are your men?”

“Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie.”

“I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they’re the bravest men all over the country.” “Well, my men are very brave, too.”

“I’d like to see that.”

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: “Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!”

“Are you crazy? It’d kill me, you idiot! I’m out of here!” As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:

“You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general.”

sahilMilitary Jokes15 Aug, 2007No Comments