Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
Mar
25
sahil
25 Mar, 2009
Mar
24
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in.
At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
Mar
23
What do you get when you cross a Rotweiler with a Collie?
A dog who bites off your arm and go’s to get help.
Mar
23
Shultz, a lawyer, bribed a man on the jury to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the prosecution.
The jury was out for nearly a week before they returned to court with the manslaughter verdict.
When Shultz paid the juror, he asked him if it had been hard to persuade the other jurors to get the charge of manslaughter.
“Sure did,” the juror replied, “all the others wanted to acquit him.”
Mar
22
A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?”
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “I’ll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you’ve learned.”
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, “Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?” His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, “Don’t tell your father, but yes, I would.”
Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, “Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt.
His sister looks up and says, “Omigod! Definitely!”
The kid goes back to his father and says, “Dad, I think I’ve figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two millions bucks, but in reality, we are living with two whores.”
Mar
21
A Duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.
“Who is this incredibly fine archer?” cried the duke. “I must find him!”
After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
“You didn’t just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the
middle, did you?” asked the duke worriedly.
“No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy.”
“That is truly astonishing,” said the duke. “I hereby admit you into my service.” The boy thanked him profusely.
“But I must ask one favor in return,” the duke continued.
“You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot.”
“Well,” said the boy, “first I fire the arrow at the tree…
…and then I paint the target around it.”
Mar
18
Why did the toilet roll go down the hill?
To get to the bottom!
Mar
17
The following are letters from children to GOD.
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Dear GOD, In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
-Jane
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Dear GOD, I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me.
Love, Alison
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Dear GOD, Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
-Lucy
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Dear GOD, Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
-Anita
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Dear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
-Norma
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Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones You have now?
-Jane
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Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries?
-Nan
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Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
-Neil
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Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
-Jane
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Dear GOD, Did you really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother.
-Darla
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Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
-Joyce
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Dear GOD, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (But I am not going to tell you who I am)
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Dear GOD, Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
-Tom L.
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Dear GOD, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
-Bruce
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Dear GOD, If we come back as something – please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
-Denise
Mar
16
Here’s a list of some cute letters kids have written to God:
Dear GOD:
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones You have? – Jane
Dear GOD:
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. – Larry
Dear GOD:
If You watch me in church on Sunday, I’ll show You my new shoes. – Mickey
Dear GOD:
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. – Nan
Dear GOD:
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? – Jane
Dear GOD:
I read the Bible. What does “beget” mean? Nobody will tell me. – Love, Alison
Dear GOD:
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? – Lucy
Dear GOD:
Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? Anita
Dear GOD:
Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma
Dear GOD:
Who draws the lines around the countries? – Nan
Dear GOD:
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil
Dear GOD:
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane
Dear GOD:
Did You really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if You did, then I’m going to fix my brother. – Darla
Dear GOD:
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. – Joyce
Dear GOD:
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend, (But I am not going to tell You who I am)
Dear GOD:
Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. Tom L.
Dear GOD:
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Bruce
Dear GOD:
If we come back as something else, please don’t let me be MaryHorton – because I hate her. – Denise
Dear GOD:
If you give me a genie like Aladdin, I will give You anything You want, except my money or my chess set. – Raphael
Dear GOD:
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. – Sam
Dear GOD:
You don’t have to worry about me. I always look both ways. – Dean
Dear GOD:
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. Ruth M.
Dear GOD:
I think about You sometimes even when I’m not praying – Elliott
Dear GOD:
Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best.- Rob
Dear GOD:
My brother told me about being born but it doesn’t sound right. They’re just kidding, aren’t they? – Marsha
Dear GOD:
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. – Love, Chris
Dear GOD:
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it So I bet he stole your idea. – Sincerely, Donna
Dear GOD:
The bad people laughed at Noah – “You made an ark on dry land, you fool.” But he was smart, he stuck with You. That’s what I would do. – Eddie
Dear GOD:
I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already. – Charles
Dear GOD:
I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool. – Eugene
Mar
13
How do prisoners in jail talk to each other?
With their cell phones!