A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

“Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.”
“You foul-mouthed swine, ” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man.
“Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella Mississippi.”

adminItalian Jokes21 Oct, 2005No Comments

One day i go to New York to a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella da waitress i wanna 2 piss toast. She bringa me only 1 piss. I tell her i wanna 2 piss. She say go to da toilet. I say she no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She sat u better no piss on the plate son of a bitch. I dont know the lady and she call me a son of a bitch.
Later i go to have soma lunch at Drake restuarant, the waitress bring me a spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her i wanna fock. She tells me everybody wanna fock. I tella her she no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say u better no fock on the table u son of a bitch. I dont even know her and she call me a son of a bitch.
So i go back to my room inna hotel , and there’s no sheet on my bed. I calla da manager and tella him i wanna sheet. He tella me go to da toilet. So i say u no understand, i wanna sheet on da bed. He say u better not shit on the bed u son of a bitch. I dont even know da man and he call me a son of a bitch.
I go to checkout and the man at the counter say peace on u. I say piss on u too u son of a bitch.
I go back to italy!!!

adminItalian Jokes21 Oct, 2005No Comments

Luigi and Paulo where fishing in the mediterranean sea one sunny day when a ww2 mine came floating along. On seeing this round, spikey object coming nearer and nearer, Luigi shouts at his friend ” Hey Paulo, it’s a mine, it’s a mine!!!” Paulo replies ” O.K. Luigi, you can-a have it!!! “

adminItalian Jokes21 Oct, 2005No Comments

Did you know that an italian woman invented velco?

ya, she tried to pull off her wool sweater and it got stuck on her mustache!

adminItalian Jokes21 Oct, 2005No Comments

Q: What happens if all the Italians in the world moved to one side?
A: The earth would be wop-sided.

…and that’s all folks!

adminItalian Jokes21 Oct, 2005No Comments

The head leader of the mafia bought his son a gun for his 18th birthday and said to him;..respect the gun boy you will need it in the future;. On the night of his birthday he went to a night club and was drinkin when he seen a man on the dance floor with the most beautiful rolex watch he had ever seen,so he went over and asked him to swap his watch with his gun and he said he would. That night when the boy got home his father was waiting up for him because he was worried about him been out with a gun on his birthday and he asked the son how did he get on and the son said;..pappa i swaped my gun for this lovely watch; And the father slaped him across thi head and said;..you fukin fool boy in 10 years time you will have a beautiful wife a big house and a few kids and you will come home after a night out and some man will be riding the fuck out of your wife…… and what you gonna do then TIME HIM

adminItalian Jokes21 Oct, 2005No Comments

1. Why are there only two pallbearers at an Italian funeral? A garbage can has only two handles.

2. Why Don’t Italian kill flies? It’s their national bird.

3. What is the difference between Air Italy and US Air? The letter H….US Air has air under its wings and Air Italy has Hair under its wings.

adminItalian Jokes21 Oct, 2005No Comments

Q.What do you call an Italian Prostitute?

A. A pastatute!

adminItalian Jokes21 Oct, 2005No Comments

“Hello” Says a little girl’s voice.

“Hi, honey, it’s Daddy, “Says Bob. “Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.”

After a brief pause, Bob says, “But you haven’t got an Uncle Frank, honey!”

“Yes, I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!”

“Okay, then. Here’s what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run

upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle

Frank that my car’s just pulled up outside the house.”

“Okay, Daddy!” A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

“Well, I did what you said, Daddy.” “And what happened?”

“Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around

screaming, then she tripped over the rug and fell down the steps and

she’s just lying there. Her neck is at a funny angle. I think she’s dead.”

“Oh my god… And what about Uncle Frank?”

“He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and

he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have

forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he

hit the bottom of the swimming pool and is just lying there, not moving.

He may be dead too.” There is a long pause, then Bob says, “Swimming pool?”

Is this 854-7039?”

adminItalian Jokes21 Oct, 2005No Comments

An Englishman, an American and a Italian are called upon to test a lie detector .
The Englishman says: “I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer”.
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
“Ok”, he says, “10 bottles”.
And the machine is silent.
The American says: “I think I can eat 15 hamburgers”.
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
“All right, 8 hamburgers”.
And the machine’s silent.
The Italian says: “I think…”, BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

adminItalian Jokes21 Oct, 2005No Comments