“So, have you figured what to buy the Missus for Christmas?” asked Brady.
“I, sure have, she decided it for me,” answered Paddy. “She said she wanted something with diamonds in it, so I’ve bought her a pack of cards.”
Oct
21
admin
21 Oct, 2005
Oct
21
Two old drunks on their way home from the pub, were stumblin up the country road in near darkness, “Seamus, I think we’ve stumbled into the graveyard - look, I can see a stone here that says a man lived to 105!”
“Glory be Malarki, was it anybody we knew?”
“No, twas somebody named ’Miles from Dublin’”
Oct
21
How is it that we know Christ was Irish?
Well, he was 33, still lived at home with his Mother, whom he thought was still a virgin and she thought he was the son of God.
How can you tell the Irish fella in the hospital ward?
He’s the one blowing the foam off of his bed pan.
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He’s Dublin over with laughter!!
Oct
21
Did you hear about the Irish business man who got his name printed on the front and back of his business card? - Just in case he lost it…
How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five -
One to change the bulb and four to comment on how grand the old bulb was.
Q: Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Cos they’re always a little short
How do you get a 1-armed Irishman down from a tree?
Wave to him
Oct
21
There’s a German, Scotsman and Irishman at a bar after work.
Each has a full pint. 3 flies buzz into the bar and all of a sudden land in each of their beers.
The German is fuming mad - “No way I drink this! Disgusting!” as he pushes the pint away.
The Scotsman thinks for a minute, “ach, it ain’t that bad. Ye jist pull oot the wee nipper like this…there ya go, fine as dandy.” and proceeds to take a swig.
The Irishmen is also mad, he plucks the fly out by its wings, holds it over the pint and yells, “Spit it out ya Bastard, spit it out!!!”
Oct
21
An Irishman living in Devon goes for a job on a construction site.
The foreman says, “Can you brew tea?”
The Irishman says, “Yes.”
“Good. Can you drive a fork lift?”
The Irishman looks at him and says, “Why, just how big is the teapot?”
Oct
21
An American was boasting to O’Leary that back in the US, they can erect skyscrapers in 4 weeks.
O’Leary replied that in Ireland they can start a row of houses in the morning and on the way home from work the bailiffs will be putting the tenants out for being behind with the rent.
Oct
21
Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A: A different bar.
First Irish Farmer: “My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it.”
Second Irish Farmer: “Did you shoot it in the hole?”
First Irish Farmer: ” Nope…in the head.”
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 11 - One to hold the lightbulb, and 10 to drink until the room spins!
How do you sink an Irish submarine?
Knock on the hatch.
Oct
21
Two lil leprechauns went off to St Mary’s convent and begged an audience with the mother superior. “well, how can I help you little folk?” asked the Mother Superior.
The larger and more intelligent looking of the leprechauns asked “Well, mother superior, would you be a knowing any midget nuns here at the convent?”
“Afraid not,” replies Mother Superior, “there are no midget nuns here”
“all right then, would you be knowing of any midget nuns in all of Ireland then?”
“Well, no,” replied Mother Superior, “none that I know of.”
“Well then, in the whole world of nuns, would you know of any Midget nuns?”
“No, I would’nt - there are no midget nuns in the whole of the world!” said Mother Superior, “and would you please tell me what this is all about?”
The asking leprechaun turned sadly to the stupid leprechaun and said “well, I told you so…you’ve been dating a Penguin.”
Oct
21
There’s this new Irish restaraunt being built in downtown Boston. They’re going to serve 7-course gourmet Irish meals.
Everyone coming in the door gets a potato and a six pack…