jokesdot.com

Yo mama is so stupid she thought PMS was a telephone company.

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
Has won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
Mumbled, “Oh, puh-leeeez!” 295 times during the movie “The Net.”
Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
Their video dating profile lists “public-key encryption” among turn-ons.
Instead of the “Welcome” voice on AOL, you overhear, “Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President.”
You hear them murmur, “Let’s see you use that VISA card now, Professor “I-Don’t-Give-A’s-In-Computer-Science!”

Yo mama so big, every time her beeper goes off, people think she’s backing up.

How do you get a hundred cows in a barn?
You hang up a bingo sign!

What do you have if there are 100 rabbits standing in a row and 99 take a step back?

A receding hare line.

Q: Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A: She forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to fill in the rest. Here’s what the kids came up with:

Better to be safe than… punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the… bug is close.
It’s always darkest before… daylight savings time.
Never underestimate the power of… termites.
You can lead a horse to water but… how?
Don’t bite the hand that… looks dirty.
No news is… impossible.
A miss is as good as a… Mr.
You can’t teach an old dog… math.
If you lie down with dogs, you… will stink in the morning.
Love all, trust… me.
The pen is mightier than… the pigs.
An idle mind is… the best way to relax.
Where there is smoke, there’s… pollution.
Happy is the bride who… gets all the presents.
A penny saved is… not much.
Two is company, three’s… The Musketeers.
None are so blind as… Helen Keller.
Children should be seen and not… spanked or grounded.
If at first you don’t succeed… get new batteries.
You get out of something what you… see pictured on the box.
When the blind lead the blind… get out of the way.
There is no fool like… Aunt Edie.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and… you have to blow your nose.

Q: How come Frankenstein couldn’t have kids?

A: Because he had a hollow weenie!

Yo’ mama so fat, when she was born her mom said, ”Great, triplets.”