Daily Jokes Comedy Funny Humor » Computer Jokes

Car Problem

sahil — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 18:22:14 +0000

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.

The mechanical engineer said, “I think a rod broke.”

The chemical engineer said, “The way it sputtered at the end, I think it’s not getting enough gas.”

The electrical engineer said, “I think there was a spark and something’s wrong with the electrical system.”

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, “What do you think?”

The computer engineer said, “I think we should all get out and then get back in.”

Job Interview Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

“How will the keypad for Windows 2000 change?”

sahil — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 18:28:19 +0000

“How will the keypad for Windows 2000 change?” “Left and right Reset will appear on it.” Related posts:Blondes change a lightbulb Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One... Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin. Related posts:

Blondes change a lightbulb Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Job Interview

sahil — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 18:40:57 +0000

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a five-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The young engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”

A Terrible Day A businessman arrived home exhausted one evening and slumped on...
Name A blonde goes for a job interview in an office....

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

One programmer tells another:

sahil — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 17:18:20 +0000

One programmer tells another:
- Imagine, yesterday I came back home ealier than usual, and my wife was in bed with a strange man. And eyes of the both were so cunning… I suspected something at once, jumped to my computer, tried to enter the Internet – and they, bastards, had changed the password…

A Terrible Day A businessman arrived home exhausted one evening and slumped on...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

A Terrible Day

sahil — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 08:23:00 +0000

A businessman arrived home exhausted one evening and slumped on the sofa. “You poor darling,” said his wife tenderly. “You must have had a terrible day.” “You’re not kidding,” he replied. “The computer system crashed and we all had to think for ourselves.” Related posts:A serious condition A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his [...] Related posts:

A serious condition A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Mohammed and Douglas Adams

sahil — Thu, 12 May 2011 09:16:18 +0000

Q: What do Mohammed and Douglas Adams have in common?A: A deep, abiding respect for the value of a towel on the head. Related posts:How To Be Annoying (A Guide) Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the... A Son’s Love An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to... a nerd, [...] Related posts:

How To Be Annoying (A Guide) Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the...
A Son’s Love An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to...
a nerd, a nude, and a bike A nerd was walking on campus one day when his...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

a nerd, a nude, and a bike

sahil — Wed, 11 May 2011 18:39:21 +0000

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want!’”The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

Did you ever wonder? Can you cry under water?How important does a person have...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

How To Be Annoying (A Guide)

sahil — Tue, 10 May 2011 03:36:28 +0000

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.” Drum on every available surface. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. Staple papers in the middle of the page. Ask 800 operators for dates. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people’s backpacks. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.” Set alarms for random times. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. Honk and wave to strangers. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter’s Orange. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic parts of rental movies. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. only type in lowercase. dont use any punctuation either. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. Pay for your dinner with pennies. Repeat everything someone says, as a question. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.” Light road flares on a birthday cake. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. Drive half a block. Name your dog “Dog.” Ask people what gender they are. Reply to everything someone says with “That’s what YOU think.” Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot”. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers’ brains, such as “Feliz Navidad. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. Wear a LOT of cologne. Ask to “interface” with someone. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.” Sing along at the opera. Mow your lawn with scissors. At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batatatatatata- hWING-batter!” Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture”. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment. Never make eye contact. Never break eye contact. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn. Give a play-by-play account of a person’s every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. Make appointments for the 31st of September. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties. Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.

Did you ever wonder? Can you cry under water?How important does a person have...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

A Son’s Love

sahil — Mon, 09 May 2011 05:44:39 +0000

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.Shortly, he received this reply,”For HEAVEN’S SAKE Dad, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the Money!”At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.His son’s reply was: “Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It’s the best I could do from here.”

Did you ever wonder? Can you cry under water?How important does a person have...
Why are you yelling that? A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Did you ever wonder?

sahil — Sun, 08 May 2011 06:37:53 +0000

Can you cry under water?How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?Why do you have to “put your two cents in”…but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?Why does a round pizza come in a square box?What did cured ham actually have?How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.