Daily Jokes Comedy Funny Humor » Blonde Jokes

Winnebago

sahil — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 18:45:15 +0000

A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there’s a “peel and win” sticker on her coffee cup. So she’s peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”
The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch.”

But the blonde keeps screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”

Finally the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home because we didn’t have that as a prize!”

The blonde says, “No it’s not a mistake. I’ve won a motor home!” And she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads…

“WIN A BAGEL”

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Angry Blonde

sahil — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 18:04:06 +0000

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive odor of paint.

He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said…

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The $99 Cruise Special

sahil — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 18:59:31 +0000

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special — $99!”.
She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special, please.”

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.

A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special.

She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.

Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde.

They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?

The second blonde replies, “They didn’t last year.”

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Final Exam

sahil — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 17:07:00 +0000

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of “yes/no” type questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet “Yes” for Heads and “No” for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

“I finished the exam in half an hour, but I’m rechecking my answers.”

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New Hire Painters

sahil — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 18:18:55 +0000

A road construction manager needed to hire someone to paint the yellow lines down the middle of a newly constructed road. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all get hired. They are each assigned a section of the road. The first day, the blonde paints 2 miles, the redhead 1.5, and the brunette only 1. On the second day, the blonde paints 1 mile, the brunette 2, and the redheaed 2.5. On the third day, the blonde only gets 1/4 of a mile done, the redheaed 3, and the brunette 3.5. The manager decides to talk to the blonde. “You haven’t been painting as much road as you did on the first day,” the manager said. “What’s the problem?” “I’d be painting more, but the bucket keeps getting farther and farther away!”

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The Blonde Cop

sahil — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 18:47:00 +0000

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and asked the veteran blonde officer, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?”

The blonde sarge replied, “He’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”

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Three Broads Having Lunch

sahil — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 18:45:48 +0000

bA blond, a brunette and a redhead are sitting down for lunch one afternoon. The redhead says to the others, “I found cigarettes in my daughters room! I can’t believe she’s a smoker!. The brunette says “That’s nothing. The other day I found beer in my daughters room. I can’t believe she’s a drinker!.

The blonde looks at the other two and says, “Well you two are lucky. Just yesterday I found condoms in my daughters room. I never even knew she had a penis!”

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Blind Man & The Blondes

sahil — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 18:23:06 +0000

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair – giving that you are blind – that you should know five things:

1 – The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 – The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 – I’m a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 – The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5 – The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

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The Blonde’s View On Roe Vs. Wade

sahil — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 17:58:21 +0000

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class.

The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi very seriously pondered the question and finally said, “That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.”

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Comfortable

sahil — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 18:34:25 +0000

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving to check out a good prospect, the brunette tells her sister, “Now, when I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

After paying him the $599 asking price, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds,”It’s just 99 cents a word.”

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette has only $1 left, meaning she’ll only be able to send her sister a one-word message. After thinking for a few minutes,she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word…’comfortable’.”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s a blonde. The word’s big. She’ll read it slowly…out loud… (“com-for-da-bul”).”

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