Daily Jokes Comedy Funny Humor » Blonde Jokes

Dangerous Blow Job

sahil — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:11:37 +0000

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons.

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth.

The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of it’s head.

The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genital, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer.

“I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.”

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up, “I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

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The Blind Man

sahil — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:46:20 +0000

On a hot summer day, two nuns – both young, blonde and beautiful — are working in the church library putting away books. After working feverishly to get the job done, the first nun turns to the second and says, “I can’t take this heat anymore! Do you think it would be all right if we removed our shirts to cool off while we worked?”

The second nun, feeling the heat herself, decides that it would be acceptable since no one else was present. She locked the door and closed the curtains, and then the two nuns removed their shirts and kept working. Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” asks the first nun.

“It’s the blind man,” says the voice behind the door.

“Well, a blind man can’t see our nakedness. We can let him in,” the other nun says, and opens the door.

“Wow!” says the blind man, “Nice tits! I gotta run back to the truck. Where do you want me to install these blinds?”

Dangerous Blow Job A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator...

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Smart Blonde

sahil — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 11:10:48 +0000

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. “Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “what is 1 and 1?”
“Eleven,” she replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but she’s right.” “What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?”

“Today and tomorrow.”

He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

“Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?”

The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

“Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?”

So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. “It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”

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Dumbest blonde ever

sahil — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 09:36:46 +0000

One day a Blonde was tired of hearing blonde jokes so she said “I’m going to commite suicide”. So the next day she is hangin from her feet on a tree and two guys come walkin buy and ask what shes doing she said im trying to kill myself and they said well why dont you hang yourself by the neck she replied “I tried that I cant breath”!

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Selling The Car

sahil — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 12:07:06 +0000

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.

The brunette suggested, “There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it’s not going to be legal.”

“That doesn’t matter at all,” replied the blonde. “All that matters it that I am able to sell this car.”

“Alright,” replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn’t be a problem to sell your car.”

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette’s advice.

About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, “Did you sell your car?”

“No!” replied the blonde. “Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it.”

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Don’t think

sahil — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:23:11 +0000

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the ladies room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one wish is granted. However, if one tells a lie–*poof*– you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

So, a redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands before the mirror and says, “I think I’m the most beautiful woman in the world.” –*poof*– The mirror swallows her.

Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, “I think I’m the sexiest woman alive.” –*poof*– The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, “I think. . . .” –*poof*–

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Rowing Your Boat

sahil — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 15:58:55 +0000

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”

To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”

Dangerous Blow Job A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator...

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Do you see the dead bird?

sahil — Thu, 21 May 2009 05:33:29 +0000

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. “Awww, look at the dead birdie,” she says sadly.The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, “Where? Where?” No related posts. Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin. No related posts. Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I can’t breathe without that

sahil — Wed, 20 May 2009 06:21:40 +0000

A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.”I need to take that walkman off your head,” says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.”You can’t! I’ll die!” retorts the blonde.”I can’t cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!” says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.”I said you can’t take it off, or I’ll die!”The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating “breath in, breath out, breath in”.

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last requests

sahil — Tue, 19 May 2009 05:23:09 +0000

Three women are about to be executed. One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead, and one’s a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .”Suddenly the brunette yells, “Earthquake!!” Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .”The redhead then screams, “Tornado!!”Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready . . . Aim . . .” The blonde shouts, “Fire!!”

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