A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin’ mothers. I’ll give 500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back.” The room is quiet and no one takes the Texan’s offer.
One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.

“Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back to back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’ where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replies, “Oh… I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.”

sahilBar Jokes5 Oct, 2011No Comments

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and –WHACK!!– knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor.

The idiot says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.”

The little guy thinks “GEEZ,” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden –WHACK!!- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, “That was a judo chop from Japan.”

So the little guy has had enough of this… He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves.

The little guy is gone for an hour or so. When he returns, without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and — BONG!!– bangs the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold.

The little guy looks at the bartender and says, “When he comes to, tell him that is a crowbar from Sears.”

sahilBar Jokes2 Oct, 2011No Comments

A police officer is staking out a local bar because of alot of reports of drunk drivers leaving that bar.

At around 1:55am a man leaves the bar, as he leaves he trips over the curb and stumbles from car to car tring his keys in the doors. Finally after the 5th car he finds his. Once in in car he spends a few minutes playing with the lights and starts to leave the parking lot.

The officer decides to follow him, after watching him swerve between lanes and driving irratically for about a mile the officer decides to pull him over. The officer administers a field subriaty test, which the driver passes. so the officer gives him a breathalizer test which he passes with a .00. The officer looks at him cunfused and gives him the breathalizer again, figuring that the machine malfunctioned. Same thing, the driver gets a .00. Now the officer is completely baffled and turns to the driver and asks, How much did you drink? And the driver replies,”Nothing…I’m the DESIGNATED DECOY”.

sahilBar Jokes2 Oct, 2011No Comments

A bear walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender replies, “I don’t sell beers to bears”. The bear then tells the bartender to give him a beer, or he’ll tear the place apart. The bartender tells the bear that he’s really sorry, but he simply cannot sell beers to bears. The bear proceeds to demolish the bar, then calmly sits down and once again asks for a beer. After the bartender gives him the same answer as before, the bear tells the bartender, “Give me a beer, or I will eat that lady in the corner.” All the bartender can do is shrug, and the bear eats the lady. The bear, now very thirsty, sits at the bar once again, and asks for a beer. The bartender then tells the bear that not only can he not sell beers to bears, but cannot sell beers to bears on drugs. “What!?” yells the bear, “What do you mean bears on drugs??” The bartender looks at him and says, “Well, what about that bar-bitch-you-ate?”

sahilBar Jokes29 Sep, 2011No Comments

There was this drunk that walked into a bar and sat down. To his right were three darts. The drunk said to the bartender. “(hickup) What are these darts for?”

The bartender replied, “Well you see, if anybody can get three bullseyes in a row, they win a prize. The drunk picks up a dart and being very unstable, he throws the first dart and falls off the stool. When he picks himself up, he sees he made a bullseye.

The bartender says, “Oh that was a lucky throw.” So the drunk picks up the second dart and being very unstable, he throws the dart and falls off the stool again. After picking himself up, he saw that he made another bullseye.

The bartender is very shaken because no one has ever made three bullseyes in a row. So the drunk picks up the third dart and being very unstable, throws the dart and falls off the stool again.

After picking himself up, he saw that he made the third bullseye and said, “Give me my prize. I won!” Well, since no one has ever made three in a row, the bartender didn’t really know what to give to the drunk. He looked around and saw that there was a large turtle in the fish tank — he picked it up and gave it to the drunk.

About three weeks later the same drunk walked into the same bar and sat down on the same stool and told the bartender, “(hickup) Hey, I want to play that dart game again.” The bartender said, “Oh, so you really think it wasn’t luck the first time.” The drunk said, “Luck huh, I’ll show you luck and picked up the first dart.”

Being very unstable, he threw the dart and fell off the stool on to the floor. After picking himself up, he saw that he had made a bullseye. The bartender is shaken and thinks, is this guy lucky or am I just stupid. So the drunk picks up the second dart and being very unstable, he throws it and falls off the stool onto the floor.

After picking himself up, he saw that he made another bullseye. Now the bartender is really shaken because this guy is the only one that has ever made three in a row and just in case he does make the third he needs to start looking for something to give to him. The drunk picks up the third dart and being very unstable, throws it and falls off the stool. After picking himself up off the floor he saw that he made another bullseye and said to the bartender, “Give me my prize give me my prize, I won.”

Well the bartender really forgot what he gave the drunk the last time and didn’t want to seem stupid in front of his friends so he said to the drunk, “Look I forgot what I gave you the last time you were in here and I don’t want to give you the same thing, can you kind of help me out and tell me what it was.”

The drunk replied, “(Hiccup) A roast beef sandwich on a VERY hard roll.”

sahilBar Jokes28 Sep, 2011No Comments

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.” “Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery…”

“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…”

“I must, Brenda, your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”

Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”

“It was terrible, Brenda,… He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned,”

“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?”

“Well, no Brenda…no.”

“No?”

“Fact is, he got out three times to pee.”

sahilBar Jokes28 Sep, 2011No Comments

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm rips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that so he stayed put. Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling, cursing and swinging his arms violently in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked, “What the heck is going on?” The drunk, still staring down at the sheets, replied, “I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.”

sahilBar Jokes26 Sep, 2011No Comments

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You are obviously drunk.”

Our wasted friend asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”

Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was a cripple.”

sahilBar Jokes23 Sep, 2011No Comments

A confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No,” he replies, “I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?” “It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me,” he explains.

“What’s it telling you now?” she asks. “Well, it says you’re not wearing any underwear.” The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing underwear.”

The man explains, “Damn, this thing must be an hour fast.”

sahilBar Jokes22 Sep, 2011No Comments

Two old drunks were drinking up at a bar.

The first one says, “Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn’t bend it with both hands.

By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.”

“By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem.

I’m gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand.”

“So,” says the second drunk, “What’s your point?”

“Well,” says the first, “I’m just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get!”

sahilBar Jokes22 Sep, 2011No Comments