I can’t come to the phone now, so… Hey — that’s a nice phone you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time… Yes indeedy. Why don’t you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings… I might even play my beep for you.
Yo. I ain’t here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I’ll get back… (Sniff, sniff…) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells good.
Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, “Who’s there?”) Isn’t that MY question? (Pause.) Please leave a message…
(Jack Webb voice:) This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey. I work here. I carry a tune. I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got a call about a 411. It sounded like good information to me. But I needed more. A name and a number. So leave yours and I’ll return your call. Or I can send you a FAX. Nothing but the FAX, ma’am. (Hum the “Dragnet” theme…)
Hello, this is Marlin’s answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks.
Sorry that we’re not at home.
Please leave a message after the tone.
When we get in,
We’ll give you a ring.
Until then, wait by the phone.
Thank you for calling, no doubt,
As you can guess, we’re out.
When we get home,
We’ll call on the phone.
Until then, just hang about.
(Drunken voice:) You have reached Bob’s hotline. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won’t be in wonder… pa-a-a-a!
Hi, this is Jim. Thanks for calling during my spring pledge drive. A basic membership is only $30, and a $60 pledge gets you an “I love Jim Shea” T-shirt. Please wait for the tone, and thank you for your pledge.
In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (Heeeeee-YAH! Sound of smashing box of kleenex.) But this method doesn’t work with a telephone call… (Dial tone.) Introducing the all-new Ginsu answering machine! It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices your incoming calls! How much would you pay? Don’t answer, because if you leave your name and number when you hear the tone, we’ll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!
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17 Oct, 2005