Cheating is like masterbation. It feels good when your doing it. But in the end you’re only fucking yourself.
Oct
25
admin
25 Oct, 2005
Oct
25
A little girl and her mother are walking through a park and see two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl asks her mother what they’re are doing. After a moments hesitation, the mother replies “They’re making cakes.”
The next day the little girl and her mother go to the zoo. The little girl sees two monkeys having sex, and again asks her mother what they are doing. The mother again uses the same answer “They’re making cakes.”
The next morning the little girl says to her mother “Mummy, You and Daddy were making cakes on the lounge last night.”
The Mother replies ” How do you know?”
The girl says “I licked the icing off the sofa!”
Oct
25
A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed.
“If I do 200 mph, will you take off your clothes?” he asked.
“Yes!” said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peels off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. “Go and get help!” he cried.
“But I can’t. I’m naked and my clothes are gone!”
“Take my shoe,” he said, “and cover yourself.”
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, “Please help me! My boyfriend’s stuck!”
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, “There’s nothing I can do….he’s in too far!”
Oct
25
A guy was walking along the beach admiring the beautiful sunset when he noticed a young lady laying in the sand, she had no arms and no legs and was crying.
He goes over and asked what was wrong. She said, “I am 21 years old, I have no legs and no arms and I have never been kissed”.
So, he bends down and kisses her and she stops crying. He gets up to walk away and she starts to cry again.
Again, he asks her what is wrong.
She says, “I am 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs and I have never been screwed.”
So, he goes over to her, picks her up and throws her in the water, and says - “there, now you’re screwed”!
Oct
25
guy walks into a whore house, ask what can he get for five dollars, and the guy says “we have some chickens in the back”, and the man replies ok, he goes in the back for five minutes and comes out and the pimp says come back tommorow and ill have a special, so the man comes back the next day, and he gives him the five dollars,and he says to go and look at a little tiny hole in the wall, so the man goes and he sits next to another man staring into the hole, and they see two lesbians goin at it and the man next to him says” you should have been here yesterday, there was a guy fucking a chicken”!
Oct
25
Q: What do you get when you cross a midget with a prostitute?
A: A little fucker about so tall.
Oct
25
A man is driving down the road when he sees a car off the side of the road, on it’s top, and in flames. No one else is around, so he gets out to see if he can help. Inside, he finds a beautiful woman and she is bleeding profusely. He rushes her to the hospital, where she spends the next six months. He stays by her side day and night caring for her, even donating blood to her as needed. When she is released, they continue seeing each other and get married soon after. Everything was great for a few years, then she realizes that he doesn’t give a shit about anything but his money and she decides to leave him. She comes walking down the stairs, car keys and bulging suitcases in hand. He stops her, says “where are you going with those keys, I bought that car, it belongs to me.” She tosses him the keys and keeps walking. “And those clothes and the suitcases, I’ve bought it all.” She throws down the clothes and keeps walking. She get to the door when he says “Come to think of it, about half the blood in your body belongs to me, you’re not going anywhere.” She quickly reaches down and pulls out her tampon, throws it in his face and says, “Fine, I’ll pay you back in monthly installments.”
Oct
25
A man has been married to his wife for over 20 years and during the past 5 years he has been unable to obtain an erection. He feels just horrible because he is unable to have sex with his wife. He fears his wife may leave him for another man.
Out of desperation the man has gone to every doctor and expert in the area. Despite numerous tests and suggested remedies, no reason for his impotence can be found and no cure has worked.
The man decides to share his problem with his best friend. His best friend gets all excited and says, “I know who can help you! There is mystic and he was able to help someone else I know with the same problem! You must go see him!”
So the man takes his friend’s advice and goes to visit this curious mystic. The man explains his problem, the mystic looks him over and says, “Ah, yes, indeed I can offer a temporary cure.”
The man is just elated, he tells the mystic, “Whatever it is, please do it! I want to be able to have sex with my wife, please!”
So the mystic nods his head, does a strange dance around the man while murmuring odd sounds, claps his hands and says, “All done. Now, sir, you will be able to bring on an erection immediately upon counting to three: one, two, three. Do not count to three until you want your erection. Your erection will continue to last until the count of four is heard: one, two, three, four. After that, you will not be able to obtain an erection again no matter what.”
The man is just so excited, he leaves the mystic and heads home. All he can think about is that tonight he will be having sex again and giving his wife the love session of her life. He cannot wait to surprise her with his eager hard-on that will last and last and last.
That evening, the man is lying in bed waiting for his beautiful wife to walk out of the bathroom and crawl into bed beside him.
“How much longer will you be?”, he inquires in a lound voice from the bed.
“Almost done sweetie.”, his wife responds from the bathroom.
The man gazes down at his penis and counts outloud: “One, two, three”. Sure enough, his penis stiffens into a grand hard-on.
The wife then hollars from the bathroom: “Honey, what did you say ‘one, two, three,’ for?”
Oct
25
A farmer goes to the patent office to patent a peach, and the patent officer says- “you can’t patent a peach, the peach has already been patented!”
And the farmer says, “Oh no. Not THIS kind of peach. Go ahead, try it!” So the patent officer takes a bite, and then- “oh, wow! This is so good! It tastes like- blackberry pie!”
And the farmer says “Yeah, and Do you like vanilla ice cream?
Well then you gotta flip it over & try the other side”.
So the patent officer does and he’s like-
“Man! that really does taste like vanilla ice cream!
I can’t believe it!”
So then the farmer looks around a bit and lowers his voice almost to a whisper, and says: “Psst! Have you ever tasted pussy?” “Oh yeah, I’ve eaten plenty of pussy!” “And you like it, right?” “Yeah I LOVE the taste of pussy” says the patent officer, starting to get excited.
The farmer says, “OK, then take a bite, right there” So the patent officer takes this HUGE bite, and then his eyes widen & he spits it out all over the place.
“Oh, Yuck! That tasted like SHIT!” & the farmer says “shoot,…
I’m sorry- flip it over & try the other side!”
Oct
25
once a sexy girl forgots to where her panty when she was wearing a micro mini frock. In the evening when she went to the cobbler to get her shoe polished ,the cobbler saw everything under her frock and said that by seeing her tajmahal his qutubminar has stood up.