Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. — A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. — What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. — You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat, and cleaned everything up, but he “made the dinner”.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. — Gotta get married in a church.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. — You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say “focus…breathe….push….”

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. — An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. — A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&M’s.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. — The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. — To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery list (grow*ser*ee list) n. — What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. — Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See “Magician”.

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. — Similar to a black hole in space: if he goes in, he isn’t coming out anytime soon.

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. — On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear…!

Park (park) v./n. — Before children, a verb meaning “to go somewhere and neck.” After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. — The most important ingredient for dating, marriage, and children. See also “tranquilizers”.

Valentine’s Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. — A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. — Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

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