The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you, ” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and their children’s souls rot in hell for eternity.”
The lawyer thought for a moment. “What’s the catch?” he asked.
Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender replies that he doesn’t have any grapes.
The next day the duck walks into the same bar and again asks the bartender if he has any grapes, and again the bartender tells him that he doesn’t.
This goes on for a week, until the frustrated bartender warns the duck that if he asks that stupid question one more time, he’s going to staple the duck’s bill closed.
The next day the duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have any staples?” The bartender says, “No.” So the duck says, “Good. In that case, do you have any grapes?”
What do you call a bear with no socks on?
Bear foot, of course!
Q: Why do rednecks’ dogs have flat noses?
A: From chasing parked cars…
“My wife is an angel.”
“Lucky you. Mine’s still alive.”
Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Go with the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What?! How about the bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.
This blonde was walking down a road, when this guy came along. The blond was carrying a bag. The guy goes, ”What are you carrying?” She goes, ”Melons.” The guy goes, ”Cool. if I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?” The blonde giggles and goes, ”If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them.”
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk they think you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, “What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early sir”, replied the defendant.
“Well that’s not an crime”, said the judge! “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened”, answered the prisoner.
sahil
30 Apr, 2009