A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther.

He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.

Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.

The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then relayed, “…and you’re not going to believe this, but there’s guy on a 10-speed bike honking to pass.”

sahilSports Jokes26 May, 2008No Comments

A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.
During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions.

“Your Honor,” replied the defendant, “that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn’t have to be present and “not to worry.”

“I can’t see why you’d punch a man for that,” interrupted the judge.

“Wait, there’s more…
When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why.
Then he said, “Because everything’s coming up Rose’s.”

“THAT’S when I hit him!”

sahilLawyer Jokes26 May, 2008No Comments

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

sahilBlonde Jokes26 May, 2008No Comments

A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up nuts!” and the inmates complied by standing up.

After the anthem he yelled, “Down Nuts!” and they all sat. After a home run he yelled, “Cheer nuts!” and they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot-dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress.

Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, “Well… everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ‘PEANUTS!’”

sahilSports Jokes25 May, 2008No Comments

Mr. Smith asked his wife for advice about his upcoming court case in which he could possibly win $50,000 from the insurance company. “Honey, if I lie, I’ll win the case. But then I would have broken an oath sworn on the Holy Bible.”

His wife says, “I don’t want to advise you to do the wrong thing, but . . .”

“But, what?”

“Let me put it this way,” his wife explained. “Treat the prosecuting attorney like I treat you in bed.”

Puzzled, Mr. Smith asks, “How so?”

Mrs. Smith replies, “Just lie there ’til he goes away.”

sahilLawyer Jokes25 May, 2008No Comments

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the ambones machine

sahilBlonde Jokes25 May, 2008No Comments

A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. In front of him he sea抯 a big jar full of change and a little card that reads:

Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh.

COST $5

So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves.

The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and sea抯 the horse and the jar, this time it says:

You can win all of this if you make the horse cry.

COST $10

So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had.

So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks “How did you do that?”

The guy says, “The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!”

sahilBar Jokes25 May, 2008No Comments

1. Throughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape. CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ”powerwash and rinse” which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone to open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, the Dog

sahilAnimal Jokes25 May, 2008No Comments

A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water.

The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar.

Catching his breath, he puffed: “Please don’t say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can’t swim I’d be disgraced.

“Don’t worry,” the general said. “Your secret is safe. I’d hate to have my men find out I can’t walk on water.”

sahilMilitary Jokes22 May, 2008No Comments

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn’t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn’t serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn’t serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, “How in the world do you know I am a blonde?”

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,”That’s not a TV — it’s a microwave!”

sahilComputer Jokes22 May, 2008No Comments