Why did the moron throw the butter out the window?
He wanted to see a butterfly.
Jan
29
sahil
29 Jan, 2008
Jan
29
A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring “Run….Run!”
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: “R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!”
A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams “R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!”
The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells “R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!”
All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, “He doesn’t have to run, he’s got four balls.”
After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, “Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!”
Jan
29
Three : One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
Jan
29
What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
Gee, Are you sure it’s mine?
Jan
28
A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?” God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.” Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it. She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?” God replied, “Shirley! I didn’t recognize you!”
Jan
28
Ever wonder why the IRS calls it, “Form 1040?”
Because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
Jan
28
The 75-year-old groom, with the young wife, caused a lot of attention as he checked into the resort hotel.
The following morning, the old boy came strutting into the dining room, lookin’ great with a big smile on his face. He proceeded to order an enormous breakfast.
He laughed and joked and was in obvious good spirits, whereas his young wife, who came into the room a half hour later, looked worn out. She ordered coffee in a voice so weak the waiter had to ask her to repeat the order.
The old man finished his breakfast, excused himself and left for their room. This gave the waitress a chance to ask the bride, “Honey, I can’t figure it out. The old geezer, your husband, looks like a million and you look like two cents. What’s wrong?”
“That guy double-crossed me,” the bride said. “He told me he’d saved up for fifty years! And all the time I thought he was talking about money!”
Jan
28
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90 percent of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.
Jan
28
One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of breath little Johnny who shouts out, “Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fucking the cow!” Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and explains that a certain decorum is required. “You should have said, ‘The bull is surprising the cow’- not some filth you picked up in the City,” he says. A few days later, little Johnny comes again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining. “Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!” The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, “Thank you little Johnny, but surely you meant to say the cow, not COWS. A bull cannot ’surprise’ more than one cow at a time you know.” “Yes he can!” replies his obstinate nephew, “He’s fucking the horse!”
Jan
27
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.
“Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I’m here.”
The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.
“Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I’m here.”
The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.
“Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but…”
“Let me guess,” the General interrupted, “it broke down.”
“No,” said the G.I., “there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them.”