Lewinsky Virus:
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

Kenneth Starr Virus:
Competely examines every aspect of your computer, then compiles a
complex report that discredits every aspect of your computer.

Ronald Reagan Virus:
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson Virus:
Quits after two bytes. Spits everything out.

Oprah Winfrey Virus:
Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100MB, then slowly expands to 200 MB.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian Virus:
Deletes all old files.

Ellen Degeneres Virus:
Disks can no longer be inserted.

Titanic Virus:
Your whole computer goes down.

Disney Virus:
Everything in your computer goes Goofy.

Prozac Virus:
Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn’t care.

Joey Buttafuoco Virus:
Only attacks minor files.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus:
Terminates zome viles, leaves, but it vill be baaack.

Lorena Bobbit Virus:
Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

Viagra Virus:
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

Clinton Virus:
Gives you a 7″ hard drive with no memory.

Polish Virus:
You have just received the “Polish Virus.” As the Polish have no
programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files on your hard drive and manually forward
this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thank you for your cooperation,
Polish Computer Engineering Dept.

sahilComputer Jokes31 Jan, 2008No Comments

Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from the lamp. Unfortunately, it was a very low-level genie and could only grant one wish. The men thought for a few minutes and then wished for the entire lake to be made of the best beer in the world. With a poof! the wish was granted. All of a sudden, one of the men got really angry.
“Dammit! Now we have to piss in the boat!”

sahilSports Jokes31 Jan, 2008No Comments

A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand.

The turtle’s one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.

The bartender looks at the guy and asks:
“What’s wrong with your turtle?”

“Not a thing,” the man responds, this beat up turtle is faster than your dog!”

“Not a chance!”, replies the barkeep.

“Okay then, says the guy… you take your dog and let him stand at one end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I’ll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there.”

So the bartender, thinking it’s an easy $500, agrees.

The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog.

Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall and says –

“I WIN… Told you it’ll be there before your dog!”

sahilAnimal Jokes31 Jan, 2008No Comments

George Bush is on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?

The nation.

sahilPolitical Jokes31 Jan, 2008No Comments

At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time.

A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed.

About three minutes later, she reappears at the car wash yelling,
“who ripped off my car phone!”

sahilBlonde Jokes31 Jan, 2008No Comments

Why wouldn’t JFK make a good boxer?

He can’t take a shot to the head!

sahilPolitical Jokes30 Jan, 2008No Comments

CD-ROM : Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA : People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN : It Still Does Nothing
SCSI : System Can’t See It
MIPS : Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS : Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS : Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2 : Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP : Plug and Pray
APPLE : Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM : I Blame Microsoft
DEC : Do Expect Cuts
MICROSOFT : Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
CA : Constant Acquisitions
COBOL : Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP : Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH : Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA : American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW : What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

sahilComputer Jokes30 Jan, 2008No Comments

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to watch their team play the Red Sox. They start making fun of a couple of Red Sox supporters who only have one ticket between the two of them.
Just before the conductor appears both Red Sox fans go into the bathroom and lock the door behind them. When the conductor knocks on the door they slip the ticket under the door, the conductor clips it and slides it back under the door and off he goes.

On the return journey the Yankees fans decide to pull the same trick and purchase only one ticket for the two of them. They notice that yet again the two Red Sox supporters only have one ticket between them. The Yankees fans realize there is only one bathroom per carriage and quickly take the lead, locking themselves in first, leaving the Red Sox fans with nowhere to go.

A minute later the Red Sox fan without a ticket strolls over to the bathroom and knocks on the door.

sahilSports Jokes30 Jan, 2008No Comments

A panda bear walks into a bar, and tells the bartender that he wants to have lunch. The bartender gives him a menu and he orders.

The panda bear eats his lunch, and when he finishes, he gets up to leave. Suddenly, the panda bear pulls an AK-47 out of his fur, and shoots the bar to pieces. He then heads for the door.

The shocked bartender jumps out from behind the destroyed bar and yells, “Hey, what do you think you’re doing? You ate lunch, shot up my bar, and now you’re just going to leave?”

The panda bear answers calmlly, “I’m a panda bear.” The bartender says, “Yeah, so?” The panda bear replies, “Look it up,” and walks out the door.

The bartender jumps back behind the ruined bar and grabs his encyclopedia. He looks up “panda bear,” and sure enough, there is a picture of the panda bear.

He reads the caption, which says, “Panda Bear–a cuddly, black and white creature. Eats shoots and leaves.”

sahilAnimal Jokes30 Jan, 2008No Comments

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

She wanted to know how to cook food stamps

sahilBlonde Jokes30 Jan, 2008No Comments