What do you get when you have 32 Arkansasians in the same room?
A full set of teeth.
Dec
29
sahil
29 Dec, 2007
Dec
29
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.
He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?”
“Why do you want me to throw them at you?”
“Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.”
“Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. That’s what she’d like for supper tonight.”
Dec
29
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Dec
29
“Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.
He opens the door and there is man standing at the door.
It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
“Hi there,” slurs the stranger. “Can you give me a push??” “No, get lost.
It’s half past three.
I was in bed,” says the man and slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, “Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you.
Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost??”
“But the guy was drunk,” says the husband.
“It doesn’t matter,” says the wife. “He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him.
” So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, “Hey, do you still want a push??”
And he hears a voice cry out, “Yeah, please.”
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, “Where are you?”
And the stranger replies, “I’m over here, on your swing.”
Dec
29
Standing before the judge during an alimony hearing, the man said, “As God is my judge, I do not owe that madwoman money!”
The judge calmly replied, “He isn’t. I am. You do.”
Dec
28
A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation.
Watching the doctor’s every move, he asked, “What’s that?”
The doctor explained, “This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won’t know any thing that’s going on.”
“Save your time, Doc,” exclaimed the man.
“He don’t know nothing now.”
Dec
28
Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because his brown ones were all muddy!
Dec
28
The other day I was playing golf and I hit two of my best balls.
I stepped on a rake.
Dec
28
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show.
On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.
The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, “Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn’t dance a single step!” “So?” asked the duck’s former owner, “did you remember to light the candle under the pot?”
Dec
28
Q: Why did the blonde run with the bike?
A: It was going too fast for her to get on.