George represented his country in wrestling at the Olympics and did really well…made his way right to the
gold medal round. To win the gold, all he had to do was fight a
large Russian guy (a real bear at 300lbs of muscle). The fight was
fierce. The Russian had George tied in knots. It was so painful
that most people, including George’s trainers couldn’t even watch.

All of a sudden George’s trainers heard the crowd yelling GEORGE
GEORGE GEORGE. When they turned around there was the Russion
knocked out on the mat, and George was running towards them with a
gold medal around his neck. The trainers yelled, GEORGE WHAT
HAPPENED, HE HAD YOU.

Didn’t he though smirked George with a grin. I though he had me to cos’
I was all tied up in knots. But then out of the corner of my eye
I spotted a big set of n*ts (ie. testicals). I was able to jerk up
and give them a big chomp.

GEEZE, said George, IT’S FUNNY THE STRENGTH YOU GET WHEN YOU CHEW
YOUR OWN N*TS

sahilSports Jokes28 Nov, 2007No Comments

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little
boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his
mouth and asked,

“Do you know what it is?”

“No, I don’t,” said the little boy.

“Okay, I’ll give you a clue. It’s the thing your daddy wants from your Mom
before he goes to work.”

That’s when a little girl at the back of the room yelled,

“Spit it out! It’s a piece of ass!!”

** Shibu **

sahilRedneck Jokes28 Nov, 2007No Comments

ANNOUNCEMENT:
It is the responsibility of the bride’s family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (DO NOT include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If living with the brides parents, it is NOT necessary to specify where in the house you will reside).

INVITATIONS:
Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you MUST send out invitations! They do not have to be lengthy. Something like “You are invited to watch ____ and ____ make it legal on ______.” will suffice nicely. If you don’t want to be so formal you can always run down to the local bar and yell “If you aint doing nothin’ on _____ why don’t you stop by my house for a cold one about 2 o’clock. Me and ____’s having some friends over to watch the ball game and witness our wedding.”

PROPER ATTIRE:
For the bride, the key words are “be conservative.” No matter how good it may look, refrain from wedding outfits made with spandex or adorned with fringe. Excessive slits and dips also are frowned upon. This is NOT the occasion to show the world how big “THEY” are.

For the groom, a rented tuxedo is haute courture, but if it means the difference between going on a honeymoon and staying home, concider some alternatives. For example, a leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean work shirt can create a natty appearence. And though possibly uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

THE CEREMONY:
No matter how urgent the event, loaded weapons have no place at the alter. At the point in the ceremony that says, “If anybody has any reason why these two should no be joined in holy matrimony…” tell the preacher not to pause too long, old flames sometimes die hard and talk too much. As the ceremony is concluded, you and ____ should realize that a short kiss will do. This is neither the time nor the place to demonstrate your sexual expertise to the world. That’s why the video camera was invented.

RECEPTION:
Remember to reserve the UAW hall far in advance, and avoid Saturdays, since that’s bingo night. It is perfectly acceptable to ask guests to wipe their feet before entering the hall. After all the cleaning deposit can be the difference between an oil change and a full tune-up for the car.

When dancing never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is!!

COMMON WEDDING QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:
Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A: NOT if you are the groom.

Q: How many showers is the bride supposed to have?
A: At least one within a week of the wedding.

Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
A: Anything except “Tied to the Whipping Post”.

sahilMarriage Jokes28 Nov, 2007No Comments

As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

“I’m sorry,” the clerk said. “This man just ordered our last bunch.” The desperate customer turned to me and begged, “May I please have those roses?”

“What happened?” I asked. “Did you forget your wedding anniversary?”

“It’s even worse than that,” he confided. “I crashed my wife’s hard drive!”

sahilComputer Jokes28 Nov, 2007No Comments

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car?

A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

sahilBlonde Jokes28 Nov, 2007No Comments

Did you hear that they found another “Heaven Gates” cult member?

Yea…it was a blonde and she was under the sink looking for the comet!

sahilBlonde Jokes27 Nov, 2007No Comments

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home Mother of six?”

His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion shouts right back, “Anytime
you’re ready, Father of Four!”

sahilMarriage Jokes27 Nov, 2007No Comments

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a big black lab in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the lab is back again.

He walks over to the lab, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, “Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please.” The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the lab’s mouth, there is a 20 dollar bill.

So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places the bag in the lab’s mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it’s closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the lab. So, off he goes.

The lab trots off down the street and comes to a crossing. The lab puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. When it does, he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The lab then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage.

The lab checks out the times, and sits on one of the benches. Along comes a bus. The lab walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his bench. Another bus comes. Again the lab goes and checks out the number, notices it’s the right bus, and climbs on. The butcher, by now fully intrigued, follows the lab onto the bus.

The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the lab gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still in tow. They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house.

He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whomp!- against the door. Then he goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whomp!- against the door again! There’s no answer at the door, so the lab goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden.

He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the lab, who now hangs his head in shame.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. “What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV!”

To which the guy responds, “Clever, my eye. This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his key!”

sahilAnimal Jokes27 Nov, 2007No Comments

Why are black people so tall? because their negros-get it knee-grows.

sahilRedneck Jokes27 Nov, 2007No Comments

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.
The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, a minute later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard, and wrote, “How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?”

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, “I’m drowning, you moron!”

sahilSports Jokes27 Nov, 2007No Comments