DOS Beer
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be consumed separately. Although soon to be discontinued, a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it’s no longer available.

Mac Beer
At first, came only in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a “light” beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call the brewery to ask about the ingredients, you are told that “you don’t need to know.” A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trash can.

Windows 3.1 Beer
The world’s most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer’s. Requires that you already own DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly. Especially slow if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

OS/2 Beer
Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won’t explode when you open them, even if you shake them up first. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

Windows 95 Beer
No one drinks it much yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it’s wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer’s can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer
Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer’s, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer’s - after Windows 95 Beer starts shipping. Touted as an “industrial strength” beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

UNIX Beer
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of UNIX Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions or a friend who has been drinking UNIX Beer for several years.

AmigaDOS Beer
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. AmigaDOS Beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn’t understand marketing. Like UNIX Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn’t changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

VMS Beer
Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and sipping. However, cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of ingredients, you’re told that it’s proprietary and referred to an unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors have it that this was once listed in the Physicians’ Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.

sahilComputer Jokes27 Oct, 2007No Comments

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon,etc.,but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on “route” marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.

The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move. And it ain’t shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I’m only 5′6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6′8″ and weighs near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter, Gail

sahilRedneck Jokes27 Oct, 2007No Comments

Why aren’t the England football team allowed to own a dog?

Because they can’t hold on to a lead!

sahilSports Jokes27 Oct, 2007No Comments

A blonde was trying to bake a cake for her boyfriend’s birthday. She went through six boxes of cake mix just trying to bake this cake.
She was very frustrated because every time she put the cake in the oven, the candles melted!

sahilBlonde Jokes27 Oct, 2007No Comments

A man comes in from work one day to find his newlywed wife sitting, looking very troubled.

“Whatever is the matter darling?” he asks

“Oh dear, I don’t know how you are going to take this.” she says, “but, well, you know how we have just got used to hearing two pairs of feet in this house.”

“Ye-es.” says her husband

“Well, what if I told you we could soon be hearing three pairs of feet? Would that make you happy?”

The man jumps up delighted, “Oh of course my darling, of course! Oh this is wonderful news, so soon after our wedding too!”

“Oh I am so glad” she exclaims and pecks him on the nose, “And so will mother be, when she hears you don’t mind her coming to stay with us!”

sahilMarriage Jokes27 Oct, 2007No Comments

… and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They’d heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, “We’re gonna need an ice pick.” So they got that, and they took off.

In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, “We’re gonna need another dozen ice picks.” The fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, “We’re gonna need all the ice picks you’ve got.”

The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way,” he asked, “how are you fellows doing?”

“Not very well at all,” he said. “We ain’t even got the boat in the water yet.”

sahilRedneck Jokes26 Oct, 2007No Comments

The NBA season is so long the players seldom get time to spend at home with their butlers and chauffeurs.

sahilSports Jokes26 Oct, 2007No Comments

One day, a blonde was left alone in a lab with a beetle. She examined it and decided to do an experiment.
She pulled off one of its legs, then asked it to run. The beetle obeyed her command.

Then, she pulled off a second leg and asked it to run. It did, but with a lot of difficulty.

Finally, she pulled the remaining legs off and asked it to run. It couldn’t.

“I have made a new discovery!” the blonde cried. “When you pull all of a beetle’s legs off, it becomes deaf!!”

sahilBlonde Jokes26 Oct, 2007No Comments

Why is the department called IM?

Because they can’t spell IT.

sahilComputer Jokes26 Oct, 2007No Comments

A man suspects his wife of having an affair and is worried about a trip he has to take that will mean leaving her alone to do what he long suspected she does on previous occasions when he’s not there.

So he comes up with an ingenuous plan. He knows his wife is a bit lazy on the housekeeping front, and she would never hoover up under the bed, so he gets a bowl of cream, puts it under the bed, and ties a spoon to the springs of the bed in order that it hangs over the bowl of cream.

He arranges the length of the contraption so that if one person lies on the bed, the spoon won’t reach the cream, but if two people were to lie on it, the bowl of the spoon will be covered in cream.

He goes his trip and when he returns his wife is all smiles and asks him how things went and how bored she has been without him.

“We’ll see!” he says to himself grimly.

When he pulls the bowl out he let’s out a scream!

It is full of butter.

sahilMarriage Jokes26 Oct, 2007No Comments