* “I’m in this private room consoling a depressed friend.”

* “You’re different. I’ve never felt like this about someone I’ve never met before.”

* “I’m new online and haven’t had time to create a profile but tell me more about yourself.”

* “I never do Cybersex! Yet here in this room alone with you, well, I’m getting excited.”

* “Yes, of course I’m female.”

* “No, this is my only screen name. You mean you can have more then one?”

* “I’m 5’4, blonde hair, blue eyes and everyone loves my body!”

* Male version is… “I’m 6’0, great tan, and buffed from working out.”

* “I’m not like most of the guys/gals here, I want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other.” (at the hotel coffee shop)

* “I don’t care what you look like, it’s what’s on the inside that counts.” (Which is true, it means: ‘I’m horny and could care less, just type.’)

* “Tonight my love… our souls have touched.”

sahilComputer Jokes26 Sep, 2007No Comments

These are the error messages that you might want to follow next time Windows Vista gives you a problem:

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Now go stand in the corner.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: “You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?”
10) This is a message from God: “Rebooting the universe, please log off.”
11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
13) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
14) Runtime Error 6D at 417 A:32CF: Incompetent User.
15) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found… Use backup… PENCIL & PAPER.
16) User Error: Replace user.
17) Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)”
18) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

sahilBlonde Jokes26 Sep, 2007No Comments

A boy is taken from his home because of physical abuse. After being in the orphanage for a few weeks, he tells a social worker that he wants to leave. The social worker asks him, “Well, do you want to go back and live with your father again?”

“No,” replies the boy. “He beats me.”

The social worker says, “Do you want to live with your mother?”

The boy says, “No, she beats me too.”

“Well, then,” asks the social worker, “Who do you want to live with?”

The boy answers, “The New Orleans Saints.”

The social worker is taken aback. “The Saints? Why do you want to live with the New Orleans Saints?”

“Because,” replies the boy, “They don’t beat anybody.”

sahilSports Jokes26 Sep, 2007No Comments

A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law’s death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.

He replies, “Don’t take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes.”

sahilMarriage Jokes26 Sep, 2007No Comments

Your yard has been proposed as a new landfill site.

Your kid’s birth announcements include the phrase “rug rat.”

Your pocket knife has ever been referred to as “Exhibit A.”

Your sister has a “Soldier of Fortune” subscription.

Your wife is sister and your daughter

You’ve ever stood in line more than 1 hour to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

Your bank checks feature pictures of dogs fighting.

You’ve ever stabbed someone’s hand while reaching for the last pork chop.

On Christmas eve, you left Santa a beer and a Slim Jim.

sahilRedneck Jokes26 Sep, 2007No Comments

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember how
Computers used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make electrons dance,
And maybe I’d be happy for a while.

But January made me shiver,
it chilled me deep down in my liver.
Bad news I’d collected…
I couldn’t get connected.

I can’t remember back that day
When I first knew the Y2K.
But something touched me anyway…
The day computers died.

So … bye, bye to the next digit of Pi.
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry.
And good ol’ boys were sending e-mail replies,
Saying this will be the day I retire…
This will be the day I retire.

Can you write in C plus plus?
And do you have faith in your local bus,
If the driver tells you so?
Do you believe in Compaq’s goals?
Can software save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to type real slow?

Well I thought that you were prepared
‘Cause your memo said you weren’t impaired.
Your stationery’s swell
But you can go to hell.

I was a lonely teenage Unix hack
With an incantation and a modem jack
but I knew the cat had left the sack,
The day computers died I started singin’…

Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi.
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry.
And good ol’ boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire…
This will be the day I retire.

Now for 10 years we’ve ignored the threat
And we haven’t solved the problem yet.
But that’s not how it used to be
When the Luddites read for the king and queen.
With a light they filled with kerosene
And some manuals they stole from you and me.

And while Bill Gates was looking pleased,
Time stole his monopolies.
The courtroom was adjourned,
No verdict was returned.

While Apple tried a colour scheme,
The engineers returned to steam.
And we had purges of their dreams
The day computers died…

We were singin’…
Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi.
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol’ boys were sending e-mail replies,
Saying this will be the day I retire.
This will be the day I retire.

Intel inside in an iron smelter.
The food leftover from my fallout shelter.
Twinkies old and aging fast.
I’d rather eat the grass.
Q and A tried for a system crash
With the tester on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the timeshare net was running Doom,
While mainframes played a marching tune.
We all tried to log in
Oh, but we never could begin.

‘Cause Cobol tried to take the field,
And Hollerith refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day computers died?

We started singing…
Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi.
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry.
And good ol’ boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire…
This will be the day I retire.

There we were all in a state…
A generation – really late,
With no time left to start again.
So come on mouse be nimble, mouse be quick,
Don’t let my spreadsheet data stick.

‘Cause data is the Devil’s only friend.
As I watched him on my screen,
My hands and face were drenched in steam.
No angel born in hell
Could run that stupid shell.

And as the ball climbed high into the night,
To call the sacrificial night,
I saw Dick Clark laughing with delight…
The day computers died.

I met a girl with mobile phone
And I asked her for a dial tone,
But she just smiled and turned away…

I went down to the software store
Where I’d seen computers years before,
But the man there said the games there wouldn’t play.
And in the streets the children screamed,
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed.
Their interface was spoken…
The Internet was broken.

And the three things I connect to most,
The website, Lan and the network host,
Every single one was toast…
The day computers died.

They were singin’…
Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi.
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol’ boys were sending e-mail replies.
Saying this will be the day I retire…
This will be the day I retire.

sahilComputer Jokes25 Sep, 2007No Comments

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, “I have a complaint!”

“Yes, Ma’am?” said the librarian looking up at her.

“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”

“It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!” said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book.”

sahilBlonde Jokes25 Sep, 2007No Comments

Seems there was this nasty biker riding his Harley down the icy highway one cold day in Colorado, when he spotted a cat lying in the middle of the road. The biker thought to himself, “I’ll cut that cat in two,” and he bore down on it hard.

As he got closer, though, he suddenly realized that it was not a cat, but a large piece of metal lying in the road. Too late! His front wheel plowed into it and he was sent flying over the handlebars and onto the road at 80 MPH.

When he arrived in Hell, the person welcoming the new arrivals was the Devil himself. As the Devil shook the ex-biker’s hand, he asked mockingly, “So, how do you like it here?”

The bad-ass biker replied, “Man, this is one COOL place!”

The old Devil was just a little miffed at this upstart, so he decided to crank up the thermostat a notch. The next day, the Devil sought out the biker and asked, “So, how do you like it now?”

The biker responded by saying, “This is great! Reminds me of those drug runs to Sonora during the hot afternoons in August.”

Naturally, the Devil was only more angered, and cranked the heat up as far as it could go. The next day, Hell was unbelievable. Even some demons were melting into the floor. The Devil again found the biker, and asked how he was holding up. Undaunted, the biker proclaimed, “It’s almost as hot as the time I beat and robbed those vacationers out in Death Valley. I love it!”

By now the Devil was just furious, so he turned the thermostat all the way down. Way down! As far down as could ever be imagined. The next morning, he tracked down the biker again and asked, “OK smart-ass, how do you like it NOW?”

With icicles hanging from every part of his body, the biker shivered and chattered, “W-w-w-what h-h-hhappened, d-d-d-did the Broncos f-f-finally w-w-win the Super Bowl?”

sahilSports Jokes25 Sep, 2007No Comments

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life.

That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.

The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

sahilMarriage Jokes25 Sep, 2007No Comments

Bubba died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer,were sent for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over.” So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.” The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, “No, it ain’t Bubba. “The mortician asked, “How can you tell?” Gomer said, “Well, Bubba had two buttholes.” “What? He had two buttholes?”, said the mortician. “Yup, everyone in town knew it. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two buttholes…”

sahilRedneck Jokes25 Sep, 2007No Comments