Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn’t have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one..”I sure do,” he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.

“Wow!” said his friend, “where did you get that monster.”

“I got it from my genie.”

“You have a genie?” he asked.

“Yes, he’s right here in my pocket.”

“Could I see him?”

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.

The friend says, “I’m a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?”

“Yes I will,” the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master’s pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.

About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, “What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!”

He answers, “I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?”

sahilBar Jokes21 Aug, 2007No Comments

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say,…”

“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

sahilClean Jokes21 Aug, 2007No Comments

Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin’,
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.

When up on da roof
I heard somethin’ pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, “YO! Keep it down!”

When what to my
Wanderin’ eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin’ reindeer!

Wit’ slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!

Wit’ a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.

“Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!”

As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me ‘side da head.

“What da hell you doin’
Pullin’ a gun on da Don?
Now all you’re gettin’ is coal,
You friggin’ moron!”

Den pointin’ a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin’,
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin’.

Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
“Merry Friggin’ Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!”

sahilChristmas Jokes21 Aug, 2007No Comments

1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period, you both keep doing it until you’re blue in the face.

2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage, you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say, “Fuck you!”

5) There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom!

sahilMarriage Jokes21 Aug, 2007No Comments

This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio(NPR)interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

INTERVIEWER: ” So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?”

GENERAL REINWALD: ‘We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.”

INTERVIEWER: “Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?”

GENERAL REINWALD: “I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.”

INTERVIEWER: “Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?”

GENERAL REINWALD: “I don’t see how, ….we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm.”

INTERVIEWER: ” But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.”

GENERAL REINWALD: “Well, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?”

The radio went silent and the interview ended!

sahilMilitary Jokes20 Aug, 2007No Comments

A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas Carols. She probably got fired for mentioning Christmas in school. Anyway here are some of the humorous lines she received:

Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly

We three kings of porridge and tar

On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me

Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire.

He’s makin a list, chicken and rice.

Noel. Noel, Barney’s the king of Israel.

With the jelly toast proclaim

Olive, the other reindeer. (all of the other reindeer)

Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say

Sleep in heavenly peas

In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown

You’ll go down in listerine

Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay

O come, froggy faithful

You’ll tell Carol, “Be a skunk, I require”

sahilChristmas Jokes20 Aug, 2007No Comments

A blind man walked INTO a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked INTO the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The other customers were taken aback and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, “Sir, what are you doing!?!”

The man turned toward the teller and said, “Oh, nothing – just looking around.”

sahilAnimal Jokes20 Aug, 2007No Comments

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

A: 144 blondes.

sahilBlonde Jokes20 Aug, 2007No Comments

A man and his wife entered the dentist’s office.

“I want a toothpulled, “the man said. “We are in a big hurry, so let us not fool around with gas or Novocain or any of that stuff.”

“You are a very brave man,” remarked the dentist. “Which tooth is it?”

“Show him your bad tooth, honey,” said the man to his wife.

sahilMarriage Jokes20 Aug, 2007No Comments

Bigfoot has been spotted.

What is the difference between Elvis and smart blonds?
Elvis has been sighted.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A Labrador retriever.

What do UFOs and smart blonds have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Santa, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking along when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? None of them, three don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

sahilBlonde Jokes19 Aug, 2007No Comments