A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there’s a “peel and win” sticker on her coffee cup. So she’s peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”
The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch.”

But the blonde keeps screaming, “I’ve won a motor home! I’ve won a motor home!”

Finally the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t possibly have won a motor home because we didn’t have that as a prize!”

The blonde says, “No it’s not a mistake. I’ve won a motor home!” And she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads…

“WIN A BAGEL”

sahilBlonde Jokes5 Oct, 2011No Comments

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin’ mothers. I’ll give 500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back.” The room is quiet and no one takes the Texan’s offer.
One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.

“Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back to back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’ where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?”

The Irishman replies, “Oh… I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.”

sahilBar Jokes5 Oct, 2011No Comments

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive odor of paint.

He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said…

FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS

sahilBlonde Jokes2 Oct, 2011No Comments

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and –WHACK!!– knocks him clean off the bar stool and onto the floor.

The idiot says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.”

The little guy thinks “GEEZ,” but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden –WHACK!!- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, “That was a judo chop from Japan.”

So the little guy has had enough of this… He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves.

The little guy is gone for an hour or so. When he returns, without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot and — BONG!!– bangs the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold.

The little guy looks at the bartender and says, “When he comes to, tell him that is a crowbar from Sears.”

sahilBar Jokes2 Oct, 2011No Comments

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special — $99!”.
She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special, please.”

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.

A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special.

She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.

Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde.

They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?

The second blonde replies, “They didn’t last year.”

sahilBlonde Jokes2 Oct, 2011No Comments

A police officer is staking out a local bar because of alot of reports of drunk drivers leaving that bar.

At around 1:55am a man leaves the bar, as he leaves he trips over the curb and stumbles from car to car tring his keys in the doors. Finally after the 5th car he finds his. Once in in car he spends a few minutes playing with the lights and starts to leave the parking lot.

The officer decides to follow him, after watching him swerve between lanes and driving irratically for about a mile the officer decides to pull him over. The officer administers a field subriaty test, which the driver passes. so the officer gives him a breathalizer test which he passes with a .00. The officer looks at him cunfused and gives him the breathalizer again, figuring that the machine malfunctioned. Same thing, the driver gets a .00. Now the officer is completely baffled and turns to the driver and asks, How much did you drink? And the driver replies,”Nothing…I’m the DESIGNATED DECOY”.

sahilBar Jokes2 Oct, 2011No Comments

The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of “yes/no” type questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet “Yes” for Heads and “No” for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

“I finished the exam in half an hour, but I’m rechecking my answers.”

sahilBlonde Jokes29 Sep, 2011No Comments

A bear walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender replies, “I don’t sell beers to bears”. The bear then tells the bartender to give him a beer, or he’ll tear the place apart. The bartender tells the bear that he’s really sorry, but he simply cannot sell beers to bears. The bear proceeds to demolish the bar, then calmly sits down and once again asks for a beer. After the bartender gives him the same answer as before, the bear tells the bartender, “Give me a beer, or I will eat that lady in the corner.” All the bartender can do is shrug, and the bear eats the lady. The bear, now very thirsty, sits at the bar once again, and asks for a beer. The bartender then tells the bear that not only can he not sell beers to bears, but cannot sell beers to bears on drugs. “What!?” yells the bear, “What do you mean bears on drugs??” The bartender looks at him and says, “Well, what about that bar-bitch-you-ate?”

sahilBar Jokes29 Sep, 2011No Comments

A road construction manager needed to hire someone to paint the yellow lines down the middle of a newly constructed road. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all get hired. They are each assigned a section of the road. The first day, the blonde paints 2 miles, the redhead 1.5, and the brunette only 1. On the second day, the blonde paints 1 mile, the brunette 2, and the redheaed 2.5. On the third day, the blonde only gets 1/4 of a mile done, the redheaed 3, and the brunette 3.5. The manager decides to talk to the blonde. “You haven’t been painting as much road as you did on the first day,” the manager said. “What’s the problem?” “I’d be painting more, but the bucket keeps getting farther and farther away!”

sahilBlonde Jokes28 Sep, 2011No Comments

There was this drunk that walked into a bar and sat down. To his right were three darts. The drunk said to the bartender. “(hickup) What are these darts for?”

The bartender replied, “Well you see, if anybody can get three bullseyes in a row, they win a prize. The drunk picks up a dart and being very unstable, he throws the first dart and falls off the stool. When he picks himself up, he sees he made a bullseye.

The bartender says, “Oh that was a lucky throw.” So the drunk picks up the second dart and being very unstable, he throws the dart and falls off the stool again. After picking himself up, he saw that he made another bullseye.

The bartender is very shaken because no one has ever made three bullseyes in a row. So the drunk picks up the third dart and being very unstable, throws the dart and falls off the stool again.

After picking himself up, he saw that he made the third bullseye and said, “Give me my prize. I won!” Well, since no one has ever made three in a row, the bartender didn’t really know what to give to the drunk. He looked around and saw that there was a large turtle in the fish tank — he picked it up and gave it to the drunk.

About three weeks later the same drunk walked into the same bar and sat down on the same stool and told the bartender, “(hickup) Hey, I want to play that dart game again.” The bartender said, “Oh, so you really think it wasn’t luck the first time.” The drunk said, “Luck huh, I’ll show you luck and picked up the first dart.”

Being very unstable, he threw the dart and fell off the stool on to the floor. After picking himself up, he saw that he had made a bullseye. The bartender is shaken and thinks, is this guy lucky or am I just stupid. So the drunk picks up the second dart and being very unstable, he throws it and falls off the stool onto the floor.

After picking himself up, he saw that he made another bullseye. Now the bartender is really shaken because this guy is the only one that has ever made three in a row and just in case he does make the third he needs to start looking for something to give to him. The drunk picks up the third dart and being very unstable, throws it and falls off the stool. After picking himself up off the floor he saw that he made another bullseye and said to the bartender, “Give me my prize give me my prize, I won.”

Well the bartender really forgot what he gave the drunk the last time and didn’t want to seem stupid in front of his friends so he said to the drunk, “Look I forgot what I gave you the last time you were in here and I don’t want to give you the same thing, can you kind of help me out and tell me what it was.”

The drunk replied, “(Hiccup) A roast beef sandwich on a VERY hard roll.”

sahilBar Jokes28 Sep, 2011No Comments